Random Non Sequiturs

Proof that George Lucas is Indonesian, #23: Count Dooku (Sith Lord/fruit), Jawas (hooded scavengers on Tatooine/the most passive-aggressive of Indonesians), Han Solo (Harrison Ford/many slow-moving Jawa people reside here).

If your boyfriend’s eyes never, ever wander, be prepared to face the fact that he’s actually gay. I’m dead serious on this.

Proof that George Lucas is Indonesian, #46: Adegan crystals (an essential part of light sabres), Sinar Industries (manufactured the X-Wings), Mace Windu (that really loud black guy from Pulp Fiction).

When a guy who compliments your eyes, chances are he doesn’t mean it.

Move to Bali once in your life. Leave before start acting “Bali-er Than Thou” and think all Jakartans are poseurs because “kalo di Bali sih, you can go clubbing in shorts and sandals.. cuek aja lagi…”

By some random cosmic twist of fate, I was truly fortunate to end up being the son of my particular set of parents and not someone else’.  I am forever grateful for that.

I consider any day above ground to be a decent enough day.

Look, even if all you read is Krayon Sinchan and Donal Bebek, for crying out loud, just LIE. Do what everyone else does: say Kahlil Gibran instead. Hell, while you are at it, throw in some Pramoedya for good measure.

The complexity and craft of a regional cuisine says a lot about its people. Case in point: sundanese food such as nasi tutug and sambal dadak. Okay, ‘nuff said.

Mothers who insist for their children to call them “bunda” usually wear PS, read Femina, and make macaroni schotel. Beware.

My dad taught me to live a life with no regrets. I do my best, but when you have made as many mistakes as I have, it’s not exactly a piece of cake. It’s the mistakes towards others that are the hardest to live with.

Nonetheless, he still made sense. Life is too short to be burdened by regrets, so try to minimize it. At the end of your term on earth, it’s the regrets that inevitably come back to haunt you.

My mom is 70 years old. Last year she went to Brisbane on her own, and stayed with my dad’s ex-girlfriend from his college years there. Now is that like, totally cool or what? ☺

The next time you see a bunch of cool young Jakartans posturing, preening, and spouting in magazines because they are the sole distributor or license holder of a hot foreign brand, fashion label, or café, just keep this in mind: Chances are, the creator of the brand doesn’t-even-know-they-exist.

For a number of Indonesian women, it’s not a matter of meeting Mr. Right.. it’s a matter of meeting Mr. Right-Now. Now, damn it, NOW!! I ain’t gettin’ any frickin’ younger, am I!?!

It’s important to surround yourself with people who can offer you a bit of happiness and well-being. And to avoid reading blogs that offer nothing but neurotic insecurity parading as jaded, smart-ass cynicism.

You know you work in advertising if you have put on a huge afro wig at least once in your life. Either that or you went to FSRD ITB.

Don’t tell me what type of person you are. I’ll observe your behaviour and make my own conclusions, thank you very much.

Many Indonesians get married out of fear, not out of love. Fear of parents, extended family, society, and the ticking clock.

The better looking a woman is, the less grateful she will be if you do her a favor. And the less that the average guy would actually notice, either.

If tongseng had a name other than “tongseng”, it would be a more popular dish. Think about it.

The loudest one at the table works in advertising.

My definition of a good movie is a movie that accomplishes what it intended to do in the first place. Period.

You are never as bad as people say you are. And you are never as good, either.

The type of people who say they don’t care about appearances, are often the ones most judgmental of others.

Ninety percent of your future happiness will be determined on your decision on who you marry. You can have all the money and fame you want, but if you chose the wrong person, you *will* be miserable. And yes, this applies to women too.

The more religious a woman looks, the less likely she is to thank you as you hold open the door for her.

It’s a rare person indeed, who offers advice and consolation with no self-interest whatsoever.

Random Non Sequiturs

I would be a rich man if I got a penny everytime I read an interview of an Indonesian artist whining his or her ass off about “seni di Indonesia tidak didukung pemerintah”. 

If you gotta lose, lose with grace.  And if you ever figure out how to pull that off, please do email me.

Javanese Sound Test: “Jajal, jajal.. ji ro lu.. jajal…”

 “Its funny how we all grow up wanting to be James Bond, but end up looking like a Bond villain instead.”  – Angus Wilson, a highschool friend after seeing me on Facebook for the first time in eighteen years.

Whenever you ask why something isn’t done a certain way, usually its because someone tried it before and it wasn’t financially viable.  

Typical Responses You Receive if You Are Idiotic Enough to Tell People You Design Clothing for a Living, #24: The Pribumi Response: “Sering show?”.  The Chinese Response: “Sudah ekspor?”.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if your idea of labour dispute resolution is to hold hands with the employees and sing “We are the World”.

If you do not make the effort to make people laugh while being sarcastic, don’t bother being sarcastic.

In Indonesia, its perfectly acceptable to call yourself a lawyer when in fact you are just a legal clerk.

One of the most annoying excuses I have ever heard is “maksud gue kan baek”.  The road to hell is paved with “maksud gue kan baek”.

You know the type of guys that women refer to as “well, he is actually a nice guy once you get to know him better”?  Well, I ain’t one of those guys.

Real men never wear socks to bed. Especially when a woman is anywhere in the picture.

There was a “Bule with a Mission” NGO in Central Java that socialized AIDS awareness via wayang golek shows. Yeah dude, the last time I checked, high risk inviduals are heavy into the wayang golek scene, big time.

FSRD ITB students tend to think that by only producing limited items of anything automatically make it exclusive. Produce a hundred, and there is a demand for a hundred and four, that’s exclusive. If you only produce two and there is no demand for it, that’s called overproduction, baby.

Some things are one-of-a-kind because there is simply no demand for two of them.

I have hanged out with the model/flaming fashionista/Kosmopolitan Vacuumhead crowd. And I have hanged out with the artist/writer/teater/Bule with a Mission/ LSM/Pretentious Pramoedya crowd. Now, take a wild guess: Which crowd was most prejudiced based on how someone was dressed? And verbally expressed it?

When King Leonidas in “300” bellowed “Tonight we dine in hell!”, if you listened closely enough, you could hear the Spartans in the back mumbling “Aww maaaaan…. not sundanese food again… plis deeeh….”

It ain’t a proper Indonesian wedding until the bride-to-be locks herself in her room and breaks down crying.

If you are not mentally prepared to be monogamous yet, don’t get married.  It doesn’t get any simpler than that.  If you stray down the line, its only human.  But at least start on the right frickin’ foot.

“ya namanya juga cowok lah, yan..  mau gimana lagi, udah dari sononya, bener ngga, yan…”

In Indonesia, its perfectly acceptable to call yourself an entrepreneur even if you inherited your father’s business.  Sure, you are smart and work hard, no argument there.  But your lack of passion for what you do is as clear as day.

Anything worth doing feels much better done angled on an incline.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you say you are “making a contribution to the local economy” when in fact all you are doing is buying a frickin’ souvenir.

 Back in my ICQ days, I found it amusing how many ITB students would actually list their school under “Occupation”.  And only ITB students would do that.  Go figure that out. 

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away (namely Vancouver Canada), my dad visited the family doctor after “di kerok” by my mom. For a moment the doctor seriously thought my mom was quite handy with the whip.

Random Non Sequiturs

Other people don’t think of you as often as you might think they do.  Like you, they have better things to do with their time.

How can you disavow a religion if you never converted under your own volition? And no, your dad whispering into your ear when you were a baby does *not* count.

There is nothing more sad than a white guy who pretends to be Balinese. An udeng on your noggin and a “Made” by your name does not a local make. So pack your barong shirt and fly back to New Jersey.

Anyone who thinks the canteena scene on Tatooine is surreal has obviously never ventured inside a bule bar in Blok M.

You know you’re a pribumi-entrepreneur when you create a Facebook fan page for your business before you even make your first sale.

When I was a boy, my dad gave me Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Make Friends and Influence People”.  I’d like to think it was because he wanted me to become a man of influence, but it was more likely because I had no friends.

To say that the British came to Indonesia to colonize us is like saying the Americans landed in Normandy to take over France.

One country claims our traditional dance to be theirs, we practically prepare to wage war.  Another country rapes and abuses our migrant workers, we aspire to live like them.

Yes, I work in mysterious ways too. The difference is that He gets away with it, and I don’t.

Rule of thumb: If they call themselves “Komunitas”, it ain’t gonna be a fun crowd.  They’ll kill a good party before you can say “Jurnal Perempuan”.  Trust me on this one.

Never trust a bule who claims to know Indonesia, yet all he orders is gado-gado and satay.  That is sort of like saying you like music but all you listen to is R&B.

Heartbreak makes a poet out of all men.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you have a box of instant noodles on the backseat of your car to give out to kids at trafficlights.

Beware of women who look at you intently and say “kamu pasti pernah mengalami kesedihan yang mendalam ya?”.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Nothing good comes out of a conversation that starts with “Manusia itu diciptakan…

If you find it necessary to involve the will of God to get something done, it means you don’t really want to do it.

Anyone who finds it necessary to post “ayo semangat!” on monday mornings, really hates his job.

A man cannot survive on elbow-candy alone. Sure, it may impress your buddies…. but sooner or later, you’re going to have to start having proper conversations with her.

You know the type of people who whip out a sketchbook at Starbuck’s, and start sketching a dress in a fit of fevered inspiration?  They don’t actually work in fashion.

Did you know that the marble slabs used to make martabak are usually stolen from graveyards?  So yeah, the next time you bite into your martabak spesial and see a partial impression of “Beristirahat Dengan Tenang”, now you know why.

My father got my first name from a book he was reading while my mom was pregnant with me, Ernest Hemingway’s “Farewell to Arms”. Good thing he wasn’t reading Douglas Adam’s “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” or else I could have ended up as “Zaphod” instead.

If your date ever says “gw bc buku cm sblm tdr spy cpt ngntuk aj,,,,”, slowly stand up, step away, and run for your life.

I once received a poster-size self-portrait painting as a birthday gift. It was copied from a photo that was published in a magazine. Yes, it was a sweet gesture on her part, but I must say that I have never seen my friends laugh as hard as on the day I unveiled it.

Forget the cheers, but always, always remember the jeers.

Random Non Sequiturs

You know you work in advertising if you wear t-shirts with satiric junk food logos, listen to Mika, watch Wong Kar Wai, and think that Benyamin is cool.  “I’m so hip and ironic, I amaze myself sometimes!”

You know you’re a Rabid Bunda if your first email address is “nama anak pertamaku @hotmail.com”, your second email address is “nama anak keduaku @yahoo.com, and your third email address is “nama anak ketigaku @gmail.com.”

How to lose friends and alienate people:  Join an MLM.

When shaving, as in life, always go against the grain.

I would be a rich man if I received a penny everytime I hear a musician wax poetic on how music is a “universal language that crosses boundaries and cultures.”

There are only three things in life that are certain: Death, taxes, and a child’s fondness for spaghetti.

There is always somebody worse off than you are.  And probably deserved it less, too.

Cool name for a chinese restaurant: “The Ignorant Duck (d/h Cuek Bebek)”

Figure out what you would gladly do for free.  If you happen to be somewhat good at it, find out a way to make people pay you some money to continue doing so.  Top it off with good health, good friends, and some peace of mind, and hey… you’ve got yourself a pretty decent gig going on there.

When a man turns 20, it’s very important that he never uses more than two exclamation marks per email.

I think the real reason why Indonesians do Pre-Wedding photography is because they realize how horrible and stressed-out they will look on the wedding day itself.

You know you are an Indonesian fashion designer if you arrange for someone to hand you a cellophane-wrapped bouquet of  flowers as you do your neurotic-kegirangan victory lap at the end of your show.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” when you find it necessary to make a point that you have a favorite Indonesian band.  And to make sure everyone knows that you do, so help you God.

If you gotta grind, grind deep.

Never button the lowest button on your suit jacket.  And if you think it’s okay to leave the label stitched on the sleeve… well, we’re not even gonna go there, are we?

Live in Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you find it perfectly acceptable to ship your Harley Davidson by truck so you can ride it in a convoy in Bali.

If you cannot be happy on your own, you will never be happy with someone else.

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll ask you to pay for the sewa lapak pemancingan and some uang rokok.

The smaller her dog, the more emotionally fragile she is.

Now is it just me, or does “klappertaart” really sound like a Dutch sailor’s venereal disease?

The worse the spelling, the higher the probability he was educated in the U.S.  Definately.

The more respectable and prominent an Indonesian family is, the more skeletons are squeezed tightly in their closet screaming to be let out.

Move to Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you find it perfectly acceptable for a radio-station to call itself “Hard Rock FM” and play Celine Dion.

After three and a half centuries of struggle, Indonesia declared its independence 11 days after the U.S. dropped the atom bomb on Hiroshima.  You do the math.

The tip of your tie should fall at the exact center of your belt.  Any shorter and you would look clown-ish, any longer and it would look like you are desperately compensating.

Give God a break.   If it ain’t important, don’t waste a prayer on it.

The only thing worse than movies about artists?  Movies about writers.  And even worse than that?  Movies about writers without a substance abuse problem.  

Random Non Sequiturs

My father always wondered,  when someone dies, why do the cultures with strong beliefs in the afterlife are always the ones that wail hysterically?

No, I have no wishes for The Little One to grow up and be berguna bagi nusa, bangsa, agama, dan orangtua.  I just want her to have contentment and peace of mind, and all that other delusional crap will pretty much fall into place.

Though keep in mind that the Spanish Inquisitors were, by any definition, berguna for their agama.  But for the native Americans?  Probably not so much.

Any man worth his chest hair should watch at least one David Mamet movie during his lifetime.  I suggest starting out with “Glengarry Glen Ross”.

And no, that “North Sea Jazz Festival” poster you have on your wall does *not* make you look cool.

When it says “Fun Fearless Female”, what it actually means is “Insecure, Neurotic, and Needy”.

The only thing sadder than having your autograph and comments up on the seleb section of restaurant wall, is actually asking if you could put your autograph up on that wall.

If you ever use the term “sudah capek pacaran”, please allow me to let you in on a little secret:  It means you’ve been doing it wrong.  Idiot.

You know you have been in living in Bandung too long when the only time you see Pribumis and Chinese eating at the same table is at nasi Hainam joints that are located within a 3 kilometer radius of a church on a Sunday afternoon.

Prayer is like music. There is no logic, reason, nor point to it, but if it makes you feel good and it doesn’t bother anyone else, then hey… why not?

(The difference, of course, is that music is actually listened to.)

If you are on a date and she says “Terus terus terus?  Cerita dong cerita dong!”, she really has no interest in whatever it is you have to say.  And no, she wasn’t paying attention to the few words you wedged in earlier either.

“She was disappointed that you couldn’t commit, that’s why she left you for another guy”.  No, she left me for another guy because… there is another guy.  Period.

I have observed that there are two kinds of Indonesian students in the U.S.  The first kind makes friends, and the second kind just goes and joins PERMIAS.

And if you are even too pathetic for that, there are always the indo-church youth groups.  Because resistance,

One thing I remembered about my father was that he would always introduce himself to my friends by saying his own name.  When I was a kid, it sounded rather odd, but now I can see it’s a sign of respect and consideration towards my friends.

Y’know, the fact that a mall has the audacity to call itself “The Pride of Indonesia” says a lot about us as a people.

Men who prefer long-haired women tend to sit side-by-side with her with when in restaurants.  Men who prefer short-haired women will sit across from her.

In times of doubt and self-reflection, ask yourself this:  “What would a Tom Clancy character do?”, and niscaya ye shall find the the way, my child.

The next time someone tells me to “Ambil hikmahnya saja, yan..”,…. I have a pretty clear idea where I plan to shove it after I have taken it.

Actual Indonesian Subtitles I Have Encountered in Movie Theaters, #14:  “My father called the crusades a foolish quest, he said it was vanity to force other men to our religion” – Robin of Locksley, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.  Translation: (not translated).

Actual Indonesian Subtitles I Have Encountered in Movie Theaters, #54:  “There is no fate but what you make.” – John Connor, Terminator 2: Judgment Day.  Translation: (not translated).

Actual Indonesian Subtitles I Have Encountered in Movie Theaters, #12:  “Begone, vampire concubine!” – Abraham von Helsing, Bram Stoker’s Dracula.  Translation: “Enyah kau, nyai-nyai iblis!”.  

Random Non Sequiturs

How to get on my mom’s good side?  If you are ever invited over for a dinner, finish *everything* on your plate.  And be sure to ask for a second and third helping.  Or else.

You know a movie is gonna suck big-time if it has a contrived dysfunctional family in it, is reviewed as “whimsical and delightful”, and stars a precocious actress that every Lomo-snapping Aksara Hag aspires to be.

Cool name for a chinese restaurant: “Cumgorped (d/h Cumi Goreng Pedas)”

The other day, a friend messaged me: “Heran ga sih, orang-orang pada percaya buku The Secret?  Buku paling idiot.”   My reply was: “Yeah well… I happen know a few other books that are just as idiotic, and with more believers pula…”

Why is it that every fitness center always has that one woman with a killer bod who keeps mentioning how fat she is every 2.67 minutes?

Move to Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you find it acceptable to go to music concerts of artists you hardly ever listen to, just so you can post pictures of  you and your friends on Instagram the following day.

The next person most likely to stab you in the back?  Easy.  The one who calls you “sister'”.  And no, not in the

If she says “kalo udah kenal sebenernya baeq koq”, you can safely assume he is wealthy.  And if he says “sebenernya dia pinter cuma ga diliatin aja”, you can safely assume she is hot.

If I can teach The Little One how to find her own path to contentment as she grows up to be a young woman, and a version of peace of mind and happiness which is purely her own and not mine or as society defines it, then I would call it a day, pat myself on the back, and consider it a job well done.  

Sex is like rempeyek.  Y’know, even when it’s not that great, it’s still pretty damn good enough for me.  

One should stand up straight, dress appropriately, stride with confidence, and have a firm handshake.  You’d be surprised how far a person can get in life just on that alone.

I’ve hanged out with the literati/budayawan crowd, and I’ve hanged out with the fashionista/model crowd.  Now take a wild guess, which crowd was most likely to make snap judgments based on someone’s appearance alone?

It’s generally not a very good idea to travel in countries where the government soldiers still wear sandal jepit.

After several years in Indonesia, it dawned upon me that the symbol for Pramuka was, in fact, not a tadpole.

Did you know that the Indonesian word for “velcro” is “perepet”?  Now if that ain’t a perfect example of onomatopoeia, I don’t know what is.

The type of women who read “The Purpose Driven Life” tend to marry the type of men who read “Who Moved My Cheese”.  And end up sharing a copy of “The Secret”.  GBU!

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you read books by Allende, Marquez, Naipaul, or anything else with a political turmoil as a backdrop.

If your date ever uses the term “Yang jahat yang mana?” in reference to movies, slowly step away, turn around, and run for your life.

When a guy says his work involves “memasok ke instansi and general trading”, you can make a safe assumption his dad is a high-ranking government official.

I got my first (of potentially many) tattoo a few weeks ago.  It was a decent enough place, with the usual gaggle of tattooed, pierced, mohawked kids hanging around.   As I was wincing under the needle, that song “Nothing’s gonna change my love for you” suddenly came on the radio.  And somehow everyone started singing along to it.  Without any hint of irony, pula.

There is a very good reason why the song doesn’t go “Dontcha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?” instead.

Beware of women who message you “Sudah makan, belum? Jangan lupa makan ya, nanti sakit lho…”.  Trust me on this one.

Move to Bali once in your life.  Leave before you start going all “Bali-er Than Thou” and act smugly superior to Jakartans.

Random Non Sequiturs

How to get into Time and CNN:  Join an underground band in a developing or religiously conservative country.  Throw in some politically charged lyrics, and you’ll practically have the western media eating out of your hands.  Oh yes, my friend… this is definitely the Stuff White People Like.

It is not your parent’s responsibility to understand what you want to do with your life.  It is your responsibility to prove to them that you do.  And if you’re lucky, they might even take you seriously enough.

Being stuck to listening to the music of your bygone youth is the equivalent of having a desperate combover.  Move on.  Seriously.

Koko Angkat: The guy who once tried to get into her pants… and failed

Anyone who finds it necessary to post “ayo semangat!” on monday mornings, really hates his job.

A man cannot survive on elbow-candy alone. Sure, it will look good with the buddies…. but sooner or later, you’re going to start having conversations with her.

“Saya dukung dengan do’a” is worth about as much as the paper it’s written on.  And while we’re on it, so is “biar Tuhan yang membalasnya”.  So there.

Ever notice that Mickey Mouse’ ears always face towards you, no matter which way he turns?  How freaky is a giant gloved rat with swivelling ears, eh?

What’s the difference between fashionistas and foodies?  Foodies don’t assume they can easily be chefs simply because they like to eat. 

You know a book is gonna suck if its opening page is a quote by Kahlil Gibran.

If you are that “me-so-budayawan” guy who wears traditional sarongs to society parties, you may think you look hip and cultured, but in fact you just look like you were circumcized about twenty-five years too late.

A rule of thumb when it comes to illegal (and legal) drugs:  If they give out free samples, there is a high possibility you’ll be addicted to it.

Life is too short to earn a living doing something you wouldn’t do for free.

If you are ever invited by a corporation to be a speaker, you can always spot the ITB alumnis in the audience.  Just look for the ones sitting with arms folded, slouched with sandal-gunung’d feet splayed out, tilted head, and eyeing you with that skeptical “I am so much smarter than you” expression.

Which, of course, explains why my highschool-educated ass is standing up here, and your ITB-educated ass is sitting down there.

Real men cry at the final scene of “First Blood Part I”.

No, I don’t care how you want to put a spin on it, sometimes there is no “hikmah” to be taken, okay?  Sometimes things really do just suck and that’s just the plain end of it.

If she says she has been to busy to talk to you lately, there is a 84.68% chance that she actually is.  With another guy.

Nothing makes a woman age faster than wearing little polkadots.  Even more so if she actually refers to them as “bolletjes.”

Be a man.  Be a man and dress like one.  No sagging jeans.  No white shoes with thin soles. No retro sneakers with red laces.  No surfer, skate, or satiric logo t-shirts.  No Pete Wentz haircut.  No slouching and foot dragging.  No dorky white plastic glasses.  No European designer manbags.  No pink polo shirts.  No Sour Sally in public.  Stand up straight and stride with confidence.  Wear shirts and jeans that fit properly.  Shoes with soles thicker than your thumb.  An automatic watch thicker than your little finger.  A tattoo that counts.  A leather belt with a buckle so heavy you could bludgeon another man to death with.  Come on, grow a pair and dress like you are worthy of ‘em.  

If we have just been introduced, and I am courteous enough to ask what you do for a living, please be kind enough to give me a straight answer.  Typical Sengak #Jakartan replies such as “kuli korporat, pembokatnya bos, officeboy, maksiat, jongos, wara-wiri, kutukupret periklanan, kacung, or ya gitu deeeh” are not funny, cute, nor witty. Understand this:  I don’t actually give a damn what your job is, I’m just asking out of politeness sake.

Random Non Sequiturs

Ayam Negeri: The same, only with desk jobs.

I have a question to the guy who discovered “Kopi Luwak”:  In the name of all that is holy, what the hell were you thinking?

At the end of the day, it really does come down to this:  Marry the one person you love having conversations with.  The sex won’t be that great after you are sixty anyways.

When I first moved here, for a while I thought the majority of Indonesians were fluent and understood Arabic.  Well, little did I know…

You know you’re Indonesian fashion designer if you have ever used the following words to name your seasonal collection: “Elegy”, “Rhapsody”, or “Sonata”.

Pembokatus Interruptus:  When the maid walks in.

Real men don’t eat rujak.  Or quiche, for that matter.

I hope that one day we will live in a world free of budayawans who listen to jazz, read Kahlil Gibran, and name their children in Sanskrit.

If thou must covet thy neighbor’s wife, a pair of binoculars and a comfortable spot on the genteng sure come in handy.  Uh-huh.

I don’t care what they say, revenge brings comfort.  If it doesn’t, it means you just didn’t pull it off properly. Either that, or you ain’t a Capricorn.

Never subscribe to someone else’s definition of happiness.  You know what’s right for you, and it’s your own skin you have to live in.

When my mom was young, she said she would marry any man who could take her around the world several times.  And that, she did.  When she met my father, she was a high school English teacher and my dad delivered the newspaper to her house.  Hey, if that ain’t foresight, I dunno what is. 🙂

Speak softly and carry a spring-loaded tactical baton.

If, out of the blue, a female friend who normally wouldn’t even give you the time of day suddenly contacts you, bet on one of two things:  Either she just had a baby, or is expecting one.

You know you’re a “Bule With a Mission” if you cannot resist drawing parallels between shadow puppets, Javanese animist beliefs, and the political situation in Indonesia while boring dinner guests with pseudo-intellectual takes on current affairs.

I remember the first time me and my brother and sister tried eating rice with our hands.  We looked like rejects out of “Quest for Fire”.

With a few notable exceptions, generally a person’s level of respect for me is inversely proportional to the length of our acquaintance.

If you are over the age of 30 and still have “ITB Fancy Night” stories to tell… well…  I’m not even gonna *start* on that one…

In the end, life unfolds pretty much any which way it damn well pleases.  Whether we like it or not.

Did you know that you can lead a cow to go upstairs, but it cannot go downstairs?  Hey, that sounds like a cool idea for a prank…

We all die alone.  Even if we have children, we all die alone.  If you think they would join you, then you are seriously overestimating their love.

The internet can give someone a false sense of wisdom.  And even worse, a soapbox to stand on.  *cough cough*

Proof that George Lucas is Indonesian, #65: Dengar (the one-eyed bounty hunter), Toba (a Gungan warrior), Padawan (well it kinda sounds Indonesian, doesn’t it?).

“It’s all good.”  There is something very peaceful about these three words.  I wouldn’t mind having it engraved on my urn one day.