Hi Vipey, what is your personal take on “nice guys/girls finish last”? It’s like being nice is a bad thing or something.

Being “nice” comes from a position of weakness. I comes from the desire to please and be accepted by others. Those guys *deserve* to finish last. And when people don’t recognize how “nice” they are, they get upset and bitchy about it.. because they are motivated by the approval of others.

So instead of being “nice guy”, strive to be a “good guy.”

What’s the difference? Good guys derive character from a position of strength. They might not always be liked or admired (and neither do they give a flying fuck), but they have a firm belief in what is right.. regardless what others think.

Do they always finish first? No.

But at least they have their soul intact.

Vipey. How can a man just leave and abandoned his family? As a child i felt really rejected and extra wondering if there’s even an answer. I am now a grown up woman. But the question remains.

Often times when a man dies, however vile and despicable he lived his life, at the very least someone will say “he was a good father”. And he probably was. Being a father is almost like the lowest common denominator of being a male and a human being. And we’ve watched enough movies where one’s reason for living is to his child one more time, seeking redemption for whatever mistakes he has done in the past. We see this theme in movies ranging from The Rock to Star Wars.

Unfortunately life often does not imitate art. Time and time again, I’ve seen men who walked out on their child for whatever reason. Whatever earthly duniawi pleasures I may berkubang menggelora in while I’m out of town, I always find my way home to be with my kid. Come hell or high water, I will ALWAYS find my way home. So how do some men walk away from their own flesh and blood -their own genetic copy, if I may add- is beyond my comprehension. I normally avoid bringing up my personal life here, but it had to be stated.

I wish I could answer your question. I’m sorry, but I simply can’t. And I’m sorry you grew up without him. Family is what you make it, however you personally define it. And he didn’t reject you, and you shouldn’t feel that way. What he did was abandon his family, and by doing so, he abandoned his own manhood.

what do you mean by “always make it easy for the person to say no” ?

Always ask a person potentially awkward questions via text instead of calling. That way they have time to think of an excuse.

Never corner a person by asking “Are you busy saturday night?” Of course they might not be busy.. but it doesn’t mean they want to see you. Instead say “If you’re not busy saturday night, want to meet up for coffee?” Again, give them an easy way to think up an excuse.

If you ask a person to meet and they give you an excuse (real or not is irrelevant), never EVER suggest some other time to meet. The ball is already in their court, so it’s up to them to suggest.. not you.

You gotta have dignity, mate. And one way of maintaining dignity is by knowing when to walk away. That’s not “pride”, that’s just manners and common sense.

I need new perspective. How important is friendship to you? Especially, when you are older. P.S. Your answers are hilarious I just passed out. – Rayhan Arkinsha

If you take away the beer, coffee, bars, vacations, women problems, travelling, and embarrassing group pics together, “friendship” really comes down to one thing: good conversations.

Is it important to me? Of course it is. But as I get older I also realize that friends come and go for whatever reasons (though marriage KONON is the main culprit). It doesn’t mean the friendship had any less value, it just means that -instead of captioning your wisuda pics with “FRIENDS FOREVER!”- you should accept the temporary nature of friends (and relationships in general) for what it is.

Time is no indicator. Perhaps some of your childhood friends were more a matter of circumstance, and the close buddies you’ve only known for 5 years are the ones you consciously chose.

But let me tell you this: the older you get, friends become harder to come by.

By the time you hit 30, most of your buddies will be married. So kiss those after-work beers goodbye. You think you can casually swing by your buddies’ apartment? Welcome to the phrase “sorry, lagi ada bini gw”. How about a movie? “Duh bini gw mau nonton jg”. Those 40 km sunday morning bike rides you do with them? “Sorry, bro… hari minggu waktu keluarga…” Travelling and roadtrip? Dude. Your buddy has 2 weeks of cuti a year. If you think he’s gonna spend it with *you*, you are sorely deluded.

I’d be a rich man if I got a gopek for every “Gw kalo udah married tetep gaul! Tetep punya kehidupan sendiri!” I’ve heard. I just kinda pull out my invisible Stradivarius and play a Paganini concerto.

And if you think that’s bad… wait til they have kids. Fuhgeddaboudit.

But guess what, if I was in their position and circumstance, I would do *exactly* the same thing. That’s what real men, do. They put their family first. And friends who are worth their manliness will always stand by you, and be supportive of it.

Well, here are words of consolation:

Women keep their friendship alive by curhat, going for coffee, updating on the current dates, maybe over a cosmopolitan or two, lending some good books, recommending movies, or maybe throw a birthday party.

But us guys? Among the Brotherhood of Men, we keep friendship alive by occasionally exchanging pics of hot women.

And when you send it with *his* taste in mind, that’s a bond stronger than blood, man. A bond stronger than blood.

*please excuse me, I’m getting choked up already*