What do you think about someone who self-proclaimed him/herself that they’re a player or announce themselves to the world; “people told me that I’m a heartbreaker” because as far as I know real player doesn’t talk about their rep, their rep talk for them.

Depends on what he means by “heartbreaker.”

Is it someone who deceives and manipulates women to fall for him for ego sake, resulting in heartbreak?

Or someone who, despite his best intentions of being honest and forthcoming about himself, often becomes the object of manipulative women with hidden agendas to change him… and when she inevitably fails, results in heartbreak?

And those Lesser Men who call themselves “players”? What, it’s cool to “play” people? Because the word itself implies deception and manipulation. Either way, anything involving lying or hidden agendas is never cool. So I think anyone who claims to be a player or heartbreaker (intentional or not), is a douchebag of the highest order.

I just found out that my bf for 4 years hides the fact he’s married before & have kid. He said he lost all the sparks after married for 2 years, so he left his wife, start dating me one year later, and he’s happy with me. Relationship is all nice tho, but from the men’s POV, can I trust this guy?

Whenever I hear things like this, I try to put myself in the guy’s shoes and genuinely try to understand why. You should ask yourself why he hid the fact about his family (assuming you weren’t just pretending not to know).

To lose sparks after two years of marriage doesn’t make him a bad person (albeit low emotional intelligence perhaps), so why should he keep it a secret? Unless there is more to the story than he is letting on.

But here is the kicker: what kind of man denies or hides his own child, -his own flesh and blood-, for FOUR years, from someone he claims to be happy with? And more importantly, what kind of woman would stay with such a (lesser) man and still ask “can I trust this guy?”

hi there can i get your pov? do you believe that all men cheat? is it true that ALL men have that nature? i kinda scare of marriage, if i found a man who’s secretly into open relationship and turns out couldn’t be faithful to me.

I’m going to skip your questions, as I can’t presume to know what most men are like. Besides, I’d still like to live a few more years, thank you very much.

So instead, I’ll go direct to your statement “i kinda scare of marriage.” Well, put it this way.. right now, at this moment, you think that a husband cheating is an Extinction Level Event. But my guess is, once you’re married, you’ll consider it just one of the “costs of doing business.”

Does it suck? Sure. But think of the alternatives of NOT getting married: dying alone, diomongin keluarga, dianggap ngga laku, tidak ada yg support, tidak punya anak, ngga ada yang beliin handbag, and the soul-crushing loneliness.

So yes, it’s simply the cost of doing business… and not the Extinction Level Event you perceive it to be now.

So you learn to live with it, and you learn to accept it. And hey, you may do it yourself on the side. Nothing makes you morally superior to him. A Facebook flirt here, a Tinder match there… I can go on.

Now regarding “if i found a man who’s secretly into open relationship”, I have a few things to say:

Why is it that those men who CLAIM to be in a so-called “open relationship” must always be CAUGHT first, before making the revelation? If a person is truly in a mutual and consensual open-relationship, he would be honest about it from the very beginning. To ALL parties involved.

Short of that, I consider the guy just another lesser man; a douchebag making excuses.

Hi, Vipey. I’m currently living in Bandung and I’ve seen some of my friends mengalami kejadian2 tdk enak di jalan (sexual harrassment baik dalam bentuk fisik maupun verbal meski pakaian sopan), and I’ve been there too. What do you think about this and do you have any suggestion untuk menghindarinya?

I wish I knew what to say. Men who cat-call or harass women make my blood boil, too. But I remember my housemate told me one trick she does:

When walking buy a group of men, sebelum mereka sempat komentar, dia sudah “punten” (this is Bandung, after all) duluan. It usually shuts them up, or actually make them respond politely. And say it normally, politely.. without being defensive. Yes, I’m sure I’ll get called out for this, but I’m just saying what works for her.

Dri, wdyt men who’s charming as hell eventually fall out of his grace & turn out to be hell-ish? I almost think I hv curse of loving someone & then turning them into manipulative narcissist :) Now when I meet Prince Charming who make my knees tremble I keep the distance & leave him in ‘grace zone’

Because “charming like hell” and “manipulative douchebag” are two sides of the same coin. A genuinely good person has no need to be charming. A charming man, on the other hand, has an agenda.. as charm is just another form of persuasion. And if he doesn’t get what he is scheming for, that’s when his true colors show.

You know those women who say things like “gw suka cowok romantis”? Those are the ones yang paling gampang dikibulin, karena gampang dimanipulasi dengan hal2 romantis. But hey, maybe that delusion is worth it. I’m sure some women consider it a fair trade-off: treat me like garbage, but I get PAP-able roses now and then. Or in plain english: “tapi kalo lagi baeq, dia baeeeq bgt.”

I am willing to bet that men who emotionally or physically abuse women, spend twice as much for Valentine’s Day than men who treat their women with respect and kindness.

So keep that in mind the next time you see a PAP of some guy’s grand romantic gesture with 5000 likes.

Wdyt about 50 shades of grey (movie), after watching it?

Okay, this is gonna be a long one. But before I go into it, I must say that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Though I was watching it with someone, and we had more laugh-out-loud moments than I could count… and it’s not even a comedy. This is purely subjective, and I’m more than aware that I am not the target audience for this movie.

– Nothing is more gengges than women who adore or worship men, like the Anastasia Steele character. I tried reading the book and couldn’t even get past the first interview part because I was so turned-off by how klepek2 she was for the guy.

– Most of the laugh-out-loud moments were Christian Grey’s lines. Dude, plis deh. Either you’re a bad actor, you have a bad script to work with, or you just need more fiber in your diet.

– The way he plays the post-coital piano, stands dramatically by the window, poses by the helicopter… I have never groaned harder at a movie, ever.

– When Anastasia didn’t sign the contract, Grey persisted, pursued, and persuaded. You can have all the helicopters and cars you want… but that spells “lesser man” in my book.

– On a more important note: it bothered me very much where he viewed Anastasia’s virginity as something to be -and I quote- “rectified.” Never be the first. Especially when it’s not a relationship. That’s not cool.

– Notice how it’s all fun and games until feelings are involved? And more importantly, when either party tries to change one another. If there is one lesson to be learned from this movie, this is it.

vipey, i’ve found my husband have a facebook fake account yg isinya ce2 dari spa, panti pijet n club.. sebelumnya uda ketauan dari hp 1 nya n uda di delete ga pake lg.. skrg keulang lg bikin fake account fb yg nge block email saya biar ga bs dibuka dari account saya. really need your advise. thanks

Pertama2, saya tidak mengecilkan masalah kamu, dan juga tidak mau kedengeran sinis atau ngegampangin. But the fact of the matter is this: he’s not going to change. Kamu mau usaha seperti apapun untuk delete dan blok, atau ngomel2 kayak gimana juga.. he will ALWAYS find a way. Never underestimate how resourceful men are when it comes to urusan selingkuh or urusan PSK. In matters like this, even dumbest guy will become MacGyver. That is how motivated they are.

I repeat.. I’m not being cynical or ngegampangin. But honestly, I don’t know what it is you can do to stop him. I know firsthand how far men will go for porn and sex (paid or not). Mau single or married, ya sama aja. Tapi biasanya kalau married men, cenderung lebih banyak urusan paid sex… karena less complications. Do it, done, ngga ada ekses. Kalau suka sama suka, ada resiko ekses dan berkepanjangan. And yes, its ALWAYS the menantu idaman / anak gereja / sholeh types who do this. Again, this is something that most women are SO clueless about.

Yes, you may ngomel2 and check HP-nya. Maybe he’ll stop for a month. But what stops him from making another account? Or deleting history? Or having another phone for that purpose? What if he owns two of the SAME phone so you don’t notice? Or install dan reinstall setiap pergi dan pulang ke rumah? Where is he during lunch hour? Nunggu 3 in 1? The truth is, you’ll never know. I wish I could be of more help.

Last night my friend actually said “Kalo udah kenal, dia SEBENERNYA baek koq”. I wanted to say he’s just the same a-hole like the one she dated before but I only smiled. What do you usually say in this situation?

“If he wasn’t as tajir dan ganteng, would you say the same thing?”

Because yes, that’s the equivalent to how those Lesser Men say “Sebenernya dia pinter kok, cuma ga diliatin aja”. You can bet the woman he is referring to really, really hot.

Dri, do you befriends with the lesser man type? (Not the wife beater ofc, but what about “perempuan tugasnya di dapur buat apa pinter2” type of man?

Unfortunately, yes I have some buddies who have qualities of Lesser Men. You know, the type who have that misplaced sense of Male Privilege (“Ya namanya juga cowok lah, bro.. ya ngga?”). And yes, I look down on men who say stuff like what you just mentioned.

But I must say, “the lesser man” is a whole spectrum sih. I do know that I can’t be friends with those guys who cat-call women, deketin women who are in no position to avoid them, or systematically deceive and manipulate women just to “score”.

About the “shouldnt tolerate cheating”. Well dude, dont you think women could cut some slack for certain cases. I mean you know the perks of staying single,boys will be boys thats for sure,so that committed guy could be just “taking a break”.

I guess you are right, dude.

So that means you’ll cut your girl some slack for grinding on top of some guy while moaning his name, right? As she’s probably just “taking a break” from her commitment to you. No biggie.

I mean, it’s not like you think -just because we are men- that we have special male privileges in the matter.

Of course not.

Only Lesser Men think they have special privileges over women.

We’re not Lesser Men.