Hi Vipey, what is your personal take on “nice guys/girls finish last”? It’s like being nice is a bad thing or something.

Being “nice” comes from a position of weakness. I comes from the desire to please and be accepted by others. Those guys *deserve* to finish last. And when people don’t recognize how “nice” they are, they get upset and bitchy about it.. because they are motivated by the approval of others.

So instead of being “nice guy”, strive to be a “good guy.”

What’s the difference? Good guys derive character from a position of strength. They might not always be liked or admired (and neither do they give a flying fuck), but they have a firm belief in what is right.. regardless what others think.

Do they always finish first? No.

But at least they have their soul intact.

Adrian.. “Shadow and dust” maksudnya apa ya? Apa artinya buat kamu?

You are referring to my tattoo, right?

It’s from the movie Gladiator (2000), a monologue by Proximo:

“We mortals are but shadows and dust, shadows and dust, Maximus.”

Maximus is stating that human life is ephemeral.

The word shadow is used as a reference to Plato’s cave (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave), and the word dust may be a biblical reference:

Genesis 2:7 – And the LORD God formed man the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

Ecclesiastes 12:7 – Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.

And what does it mean to me?

Exactly that… to remind me of my mortality, and that I only have one life to live. That concept doesn’t quite jive with the biblical reference, but what they hey, right. 🙂

As you know, for the tattoo I had it translated to Japanese. Interestingly enough, the japanese spelling for “dust” is the same for “pride” or “honour”.

Vipey. How can a man just leave and abandoned his family? As a child i felt really rejected and extra wondering if there’s even an answer. I am now a grown up woman. But the question remains.

Often times when a man dies, however vile and despicable he lived his life, at the very least someone will say “he was a good father”. And he probably was. Being a father is almost like the lowest common denominator of being a male and a human being. And we’ve watched enough movies where one’s reason for living is to his child one more time, seeking redemption for whatever mistakes he has done in the past. We see this theme in movies ranging from The Rock to Star Wars.

Unfortunately life often does not imitate art. Time and time again, I’ve seen men who walked out on their child for whatever reason. Whatever earthly duniawi pleasures I may berkubang menggelora in while I’m out of town, I always find my way home to be with my kid. Come hell or high water, I will ALWAYS find my way home. So how do some men walk away from their own flesh and blood -their own genetic copy, if I may add- is beyond my comprehension. I normally avoid bringing up my personal life here, but it had to be stated.

I wish I could answer your question. I’m sorry, but I simply can’t. And I’m sorry you grew up without him. Family is what you make it, however you personally define it. And he didn’t reject you, and you shouldn’t feel that way. What he did was abandon his family, and by doing so, he abandoned his own manhood.

what do you mean by “always make it easy for the person to say no” ?

Always ask a person potentially awkward questions via text instead of calling. That way they have time to think of an excuse.

Never corner a person by asking “Are you busy saturday night?” Of course they might not be busy.. but it doesn’t mean they want to see you. Instead say “If you’re not busy saturday night, want to meet up for coffee?” Again, give them an easy way to think up an excuse.

If you ask a person to meet and they give you an excuse (real or not is irrelevant), never EVER suggest some other time to meet. The ball is already in their court, so it’s up to them to suggest.. not you.

You gotta have dignity, mate. And one way of maintaining dignity is by knowing when to walk away. That’s not “pride”, that’s just manners and common sense.

When a guy is sending you messages every day and it seems that he’s having fun as much as you, but he just stops doing that, does it mean that it’s over? And why oh why would you guys do that? You chase us, then you runaway.

It’s not over. It just means the ball is in your court, and it’s *your* turn to return it. That’s the proper way to do it.

Real men wait quietly for the initiative on your part. But lesser men? Lesser men pursue, persuade, and plead for women to respond to them.