hi adrian, can you give us a do and donts or any tips and trick for woman in a ‘pdkt’ stage of relationship where it’s still a bit blurry and confusing? i find that it’s the hardest stage.

Here’s a tip: when you have that uncontrollable urge to do something, don’t do it. Sleep on it, give it more time, and when you do finally do it… tone it down. Way down.

Trust me.. you have no idea how temporarily insane some people become when interested in someone. And just like the clinically insane, they are *always* unaware just how crazy they have become.

What do you think about someone who self-proclaimed him/herself that they’re a player or announce themselves to the world; “people told me that I’m a heartbreaker” because as far as I know real player doesn’t talk about their rep, their rep talk for them.

Depends on what he means by “heartbreaker.”

Is it someone who deceives and manipulates women to fall for him for ego sake, resulting in heartbreak?

Or someone who, despite his best intentions of being honest and forthcoming about himself, often becomes the object of manipulative women with hidden agendas to change him… and when she inevitably fails, results in heartbreak?

And those Lesser Men who call themselves “players”? What, it’s cool to “play” people? Because the word itself implies deception and manipulation. Either way, anything involving lying or hidden agendas is never cool. So I think anyone who claims to be a player or heartbreaker (intentional or not), is a douchebag of the highest order.

Vipes, I like this girl who is my ideal dream girl. Pretty, smart (Harvard grad), has a high-paying job and parents who are well-off. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman but I’m too insecure to go after her. Sometimes I wonder what would she need me for? She has it all. What should I do?

Okay, first of all… you don’t want a girl who *needs* you anyways. You want a girl who *wants* to be with you. Neediness of any kind is a sure sign to start running. Fast.

That being said.. if you feel insecure to go after her, then your chances are pretty low as it is. Women can smell insecurity, and generally find it unattractive. Does it mean your reasons for being insecure are valid? Not at all. But the way you see yourself, IS.

So adjust yourself mentally, and find a way for her to know you are interested. If you are concerned that she is the type who will laugh at you, then she’s not a nice person, and you shouldn’t be attracted to her in the first place. No guarantees it will be reciprocal, but so what.. you might as well try.

And always remember The Vipertongue Protocol: never pursue, persuade, or persist.

Kalau bola sudah disana, then let it be. If it doesn’t come back to you, let it go and say “NEXT!”

Dri, i feel lonely. Is online dating even worth a shot? At finding orang yang *ga usah muluk-muluk* enak di ajak ngobrol aja? As in, nyambung?

Kalau urusan nyambung dan enak ngobrol sih mendingan cari di Twitter atau ask.fm. You can read the person’s thoughts that go back years, with no audience in particular. On dating sites like OkCupid, all you know is what that person wrote on a template profile with the singular purpose of looking and sounding good.

“Ya kan di Twitter dan ask.fm kan banyak yang pencitraan juga…”

Well, if you can’t “read” people well enough from how they write over years… then I suggest you stick to minta dikenalin oleh temen dan saudara.

Hi vipey, i wanna ask. Aku dan pacarku seumuran, tp dia nganut sistem ‘berbakti’ gt. Aku sebagai pihak musti memperlakukan dia seperti raja karna dia sosok pemimpin. Tp aku pgn gaya pacaran kebarat2an, yg tampak seimbang dan fair. Step apa ya yg musti kita lakuin supaya kita berubah?

Personally, I’m not that guy yang minta dipanggil “mas”, assumes that “bikin teh sore2” is my girlfriend’s duty, or minta diladeni hanya karena saya seorang pria.

But does that make your boyfriend “wrong”? Not at all. Terserah dia sih, preferensi-nya seperti apa. Dan sama hal-nya dengan kamu. Neither of you should make ANY apologies for your preferences. Ada perempuan yang suka “meladeni”, dan ada laki2 yang suka pasangan-nya berkedudukan yang sama. And you know what.. semua ada “jodohnya” masing2.

So, to answer your question:

Step apa yang mesti dilakukan supaya berubah?

Cari pasangan baru yang sesuai preferensi masing2.

Vipey, I understand that men are “visual beings” but I can’t stand my SO’s jumpiness when seeing women like when we’re out together,then the “cewek cantik-mulus-badan bagus-kulit putih-rambut panjang-make up-an” passes by or sits nearby, I’ll caught him glancing a few times at her.What should I do?

I’m not saying that you should accept it, but let me tell you something about men:

A man can be completely in love with his girlfriend/wife, but if an attractive woman crosses his line of sight, his eyes WILL move. It’s a reflex we have no control over. Again, I’m not saying you should tolerate it, but this is just how it is. Lagian, emangnya mata kamu ngga gerak kalau ada cowok ganteng lewat? It’s the same thing, and yes.. he KNOWS you looked. But unlike you, he’s emotionally mature and secure enough to not make an issue about it.

And let me tell you something else:

I have several female friends who -years later- discovered that their boyfriend/exes are actually gay. Mau tahu ngga benang-merah diantara semuanya? They all said the same thing: “He never looked at any other women, ever. I felt like I was the only one in his eyes. Well, now I know…” So, which would you prefer?

Dri, wdyt men who’s charming as hell eventually fall out of his grace & turn out to be hell-ish? I almost think I hv curse of loving someone & then turning them into manipulative narcissist :) Now when I meet Prince Charming who make my knees tremble I keep the distance & leave him in ‘grace zone’

Because “charming like hell” and “manipulative douchebag” are two sides of the same coin. A genuinely good person has no need to be charming. A charming man, on the other hand, has an agenda.. as charm is just another form of persuasion. And if he doesn’t get what he is scheming for, that’s when his true colors show.

You know those women who say things like “gw suka cowok romantis”? Those are the ones yang paling gampang dikibulin, karena gampang dimanipulasi dengan hal2 romantis. But hey, maybe that delusion is worth it. I’m sure some women consider it a fair trade-off: treat me like garbage, but I get PAP-able roses now and then. Or in plain english: “tapi kalo lagi baeq, dia baeeeq bgt.”

I am willing to bet that men who emotionally or physically abuse women, spend twice as much for Valentine’s Day than men who treat their women with respect and kindness.

So keep that in mind the next time you see a PAP of some guy’s grand romantic gesture with 5000 likes.