Okay, first of all… you don’t want a girl
who *needs* you anyways. You want a girl who *wants* to be with you. Neediness
of any kind is a sure sign to start running. Fast.
That being said.. if you feel insecure to
go after her, then your chances are pretty low as it is. Women can smell
insecurity, and generally find it unattractive. Does it mean your reasons for
being insecure are valid? Not at all. But the way you see yourself, IS.
So adjust yourself mentally, and find a way
for her to know you are interested. If you are concerned that she is the type
who will laugh at you, then she’s not a nice person, and you shouldn’t be
attracted to her in the first place. No guarantees it will be reciprocal, but
so what.. you might as well try.
And always remember The Vipertongue Protocol:
never pursue, persuade, or persist.
Kalau bola sudah disana, then let it be. If
it doesn’t come back to you, let it go and say “NEXT!”
My guess is.. it’s 30 percent kasih sayang /
genuine concern, and 70 percent “nanti apa kata saudara dan
But I must say, I get questions like this a lot.. and I can’t help feeling that replying to you is a lost cause.
Because in the end, you will all get
For all the “ih ih ngga deh ngapain sih nikah plis deh I’m too cool for school ntar gw adopsi aja gw sih pengen bebas komitmen apaan tuh liat aja banyak yang cerai gw ga butuh cowok ngapain plis deh ih ih ih”…
… you WILL get married.
So yeah.. sudahlaaah.
Kalau urusan nyambung dan enak ngobrol sih
mendingan cari di Twitter atau ask.fm. You can read the person’s thoughts that
go back years, with no audience in particular. On dating sites like OkCupid,
all you know is what that person wrote on a template profile with the singular
purpose of looking and sounding good.
“Ya kan di Twitter dan ask.fm kan banyak yang pencitraan juga…”
Well, if you can’t “read” people well enough from how they write over years… then I suggest you stick to minta dikenalin oleh temen dan saudara.
“Pressure” sih ngga; maybe just a
friendly suggestion every now and then. But then again, I’ve reached that age
where people have simply given up asking. Hey, fine by me… I’m starting to
run out of witty replies to give them. 🙂
“I also don’t want to marry anyone.” Man, I’d be a rich man if I got a penny for every time I get this statement on ask.fm. You just don’t want to marry anyone YET. Trust me, you will completely forget whatever haunts you now you’ll go down that normie berkubang menggelora road, and you will end up EXACTLY like everyone else.
And guess what.. there is absolutely
NOTHING wrong or uncool or unhip about falling in love, getting married, and
sharing your life with someone.
Trust me, you’re just as mainstream as
You just don’t know it yet.
By sending this question to me, you
obviously don’t trust him. Frankly speaking, neither would I. I think we both
know that he doesn’t have a good explanation for it. On the other hand, I’m not
sure if I’m the right person to ask as I haven’t been in a monogamous
relationship for years.
So what to do?
a.) If it has only happened once, let him
know that YOU know, and let it slide. One day you’ll khilaf and have sex with
some guy, and hopefully he will let it slide too.
b.) If it seems to be habitual, as in
Selingkuh Masif Terstruktur Dan Sistematis, then confront him about it. Not
with anger (as difficult as it is), but with intent to solve whatever marital
problems you two might have. Who knows, maybe it’s just a matter of sex. Talk
about it, figure it out, solve it. (Though be warned, men will sleep around
c.) If he denies denies denies and it still
continues, then the burden of decision is on you. Either you leave him (dengan
segala konsekuensinya), or
d.) stay and do what the average Indonesian Housewife does: Swallow it, and go on Facebook and post stuff like “harus ikhlas… bersabar.. pasrah.. demi anak2 lah.. semoga Tuhan membalas..” For the rest of your life.
Honestly, I think they say it because they
truly think so. Bear in mind that if you have absolutely no potential of
cakep-ness, they wouldn’t mention it at all. But no, it does not make right to
say it to your face.
What bothers me the most about people who
say such things, is that smug assumption that WE have no opinions about THEM.
Of course we do; we’re just polite enough to leave it unsaid.
It depends on how old you were in 2006. I
lost my dad sixteen years ago, and my sister five years ago, but I still
vividly remember exactly how they were. Well, both also had very strong
unforgettable personalities.. so that might contribute to my memories. I also
noticed that over the years, I tend to quote the little things they said, or
tell my friends funny stories about them.
So if you are worried about not remembering
them, I suggest you write down those “little things” in a private blog.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate or detailed; just little snippets that stayed
with you after their passing. An online scrapbook of memories, of sort. It
might come in handy when you have your own kids one day, to show them where
they came from.
Sebagai pengusaha, anehnya yang paling
sulit bagi saya adalah mencari pegawai. Dan bukan dari segi hard skills,
pengalaman, atau pendidikan… tapi murni di urusan sikap, keinginan untuk
belajar, dan menghadapi tantangan.
And you know what.. if I talk to my other
friends who run businesses, they say exactly the same thing. I’m not sure where
the disconnect is, but you have to realize that we read hundreds of CVs a year,
and interview several dozens. How do you set yourself apart from the others
with similar CVs? Prove that you are eager to improve yourself as person,
whatever the job is. Prove that if met with challenges or difficulties or
conflicts with co-workers, ngga akan “mau sekolah lagi/bantuin usaha
ortu.” Prove that you have what it takes to “stick with it” and
learn as much as you can along the way, tanpa banyak excuses or “ini kan
ngga sesuai pendidikan saya.”
Tau sih, reply beginian sudah pasti akan
banyak sanggahan sana-sini. But I am merely stating a fact, and how it is from
an employer’s perspective. So yeah, everytime I complain about “susah cari
pegawai”, please don’t say “lho kan begitu banyak yang cari
pekerjaan”, because in the real world there is no correlation between the
I think society and the media already
body-shames us enough, so the idea that there are parents that blatantly do the
same just blows my mind. So if our own parents can’t instill self-esteem in us,
what hope do we have? I’ve heard it often; yang ortunya nyuruh ke weight
clinic, suruh potong gusi, ke skin clinic, suruh reconstructive surgery.
Padahal yang punya muka/tubuh tidak merasa bermasalah.
So why do some parents do that? Because the
prettier their daughter, the higher the probability she will snag a wealthy
man… who in turn bisa menaikkan “harkat dan martabat keluarga”
through marriage. So in a way, the daughter is used as a pawn for their own
interest. Is that “caring”? I can’t say… but that ain’t the
definition in my own parenting book.
To you women out there who have parents
like this, they would NEVER admit that this is their motive. But mark my words:
this is what it’s all about. After all, it’s MUCH easier to invest in
PAP-worthy physical looks, than raising a daughter who is desirable to men
based on her character and intelligence alone.
When they are not fighting, sit them down
and calmly tell them how their fighting affects you and your brother. You’d be
surprised how clueless some parents can be on how their behaviour affects their
children. Tell them that if they can’t work out their differences, so be it.
But whatever it is, they should keep it compartmentalized, and not fight in
front of you. Neither should they use you as pawns.
Kalau orangtua yang dewasa sih harusnya
paham ya; as it is general consensus that whatever happens, the welfare of the
children should always comes first.
And yes, I know this is much easier said
than done. In general, we don’t sit down and set the terms for our own parents.
But in this case, it’s necessary and it should be done.