vipey, kan kita sering tuh denger nasehat untuk keluar dri comfort zone and challenge ourself with new things. Nah, mnurutmu dimana batas antara challenging ourself dengan memang sadar bahwa itu bukanlah bakat/minat anda? like realizing that it’s just not my thing?

You can challenge yourself and leave the comfort zone doing things yang sesuai minat kamu (sorry, I don’t like the word “bakat”).

This is how I see it: decide what you would do for free. And keep doing that particular thing beyond your own personal comfort level.

So by all means.. challenge yourself, but within your “own thing.” Why challenge yourself doing something that doesn’t interest you? There is nothing “mulia” or honorable about that, whatever it is.

I hope that made sense.

Dear vipey, i hate my boss and my job. But in contrary i love my pay and i know that i can learn so much and gain a lot of experiences. I can’t stand him, how should i handle this? Stay or go?

So you’re learning much, gaining experience, and making good pay… but you hate your boss. Well, nothing is perfect. That’s like asking for a partner who is beautiful, intelligent, AND emotionally stable. If you’re lucky, you’ll get two out of three.

But all joking aside, if you haven’t been working for very long, then you should stay. I firmly believe that if there is one thing you should consider when doing anything, is “how much can I learn and develop myself by doing this.” That should be your main consideration. Everything else is just.. the heat in the kitchen. And with the knowledge and experience under your belt, in a few years you’ll have more leverage at your new job.

Adrian, menurutmu bagaimana cara paling efektif dalam mengatasi peer pressure? Saya belum lama ini menginjak usia 30, dan somehow merasa under-achieve sekali. Padahal tadinya saya selalu berpikir bahwa ‘hey each of us got our own path’. Tampaknya mantra ini telah pudar…

Okay, first of all.. peer pressure means your friends are applying pressure to you, therefore you feel bad. So, are they pressuring you? Are they actively making you feel lesser than them? Or is it all in your head, and it is you and you alone who feels lesser? There’s a difference between the two, and I suggest you figure that out first.

You say “merasa under-achieve.” Menurut standar dan target siapa? Yours, or your friends? You are still right regarding “each of us got our own path.” We do.. and because of that, you should ONLY measure yourself according to your own personal path, and not anyone else’s.

Maybe you haven’t achieved what you thought you would. But you do know that it’s temporary, right? Kalau semua target kamu selalu tercapai exactly sesuai jadwal with no failures, obstacles, delays, and plain “I have to get back up and try it again”…. then you’ve set very low standards for yourself.

And that carries much more shame than sekedar “under achieve.”

Hi Vipey. This is just a simple question. How do you keep yourself calm toward some stresses in ur life? I am a restless and micro-managing person and I need some perspectives bcos you seems like a positive person. Thanks vipey.

How do I keep calm about stressful things in my life? I don’t keep calm. But if I can change it, I will; and if I can’t, I’ll learn to accept it. The tricky part, though.. is figuring out the *difference* between the two.

The key isn’t so much keeping calm in the face of obstacles. It will still be there, whether you are calm or not. The trick is to find pleasure and contentment in many other things, and that will OFFSET your stress and give you perspective.

I notice that stressed-out people don’t have it any harder than anyone else, but they somehow never find pleasure in anything else. And what’s even sadder, sometimes they even create a mental block and ignore little things in life that *could* make them happy.. or what I call “berkubang menggelora in self pity”, or “I am miserable, therefore I am.”

Om, I was bullied in my 1st year of highschool. And again recently, by my lecturer. I was humiliated publicly few times. My old friend says, there’s something about me that makes the bully preys on me. Even he can somehow feel weakness inside me. What should i do?he suggest me to try hypnosis. Wdyt?

I don’t know much about hypnosis, but I guess it can’t hurt.

But if you want some practical suggestions from here, here’s a few pointers:

First of all, don’t be eager to please.

Don’t always try to be liked by others. Don’t apologize when it isn’t necessary (as in, kamu ngga salah). If you smile a lot just so you seem like a nice person, well.. smile less. Don’t be afraid to have an opinion that is different from others, and when necessary.. say it. And look people in the eye when doing so. If you feel like someone is bullying you, don’t LET them. It doesn’t take much to establish your standing, and bullies will back down in no time. You can be firm without being impolite about it.

Stand up straight, shoulders back, chin high. I read somewhere that konon doing the Superhero Pose (standing like Superman with fists on waist) for 2 minutes in the morning boosts confidence and testosterone levels. Your body language and posture will change how people perceive you, and how you perceive yourself. Don’t fidget or move unnecessarily. When you stand, center your weight.. do not shift from foot to foot. When you sit down, occupy your space. Own your territory. Lean back, spread out.

I know big muscular guys at the gym who, pas ngomong, sound like someone who could easily be bullied. And I know skinny short guys who you don’t want to mess with. If you work with models, itu kentara sekali sih.. someone can be drop dead gorgeous on camera, but a 2 minute conversation and you can just sense how low her self-esteem is.

Does this come naturally? No.. it takes self-awareness and constant training. Trust me, I know this from personal experience.. that I wish someone taught me much earlier in life.

But remember this… the hard part isn’t gaining confidence. The hard part is that delicate balance between being a self-assured confident person, and being a kepedean douchebag. Once you achieve some measure of confidence, that will be the thin line you will be constantly checking.

Good luck to you. 🙂

Good morning Vipey. What are small changes you’ve made resulting in a big difference in your life?

In health:

Drinking 1.2 litres of water a day.

Getting 7 hours of sleep a night.

Using a standing desk at work.

Biking to work.

In productivity:

Using GTD (Got To Do) system. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Getting_Things_Done

Using SelfControl app to block certain sites during work hours.

In general peace of mind:

I learned how to say “No.” 🙂 I still have my moments of weakness, of course.. but I’m doing much better compared to 3 to 4 years ago.

Bagaimana cara menghadapi rasa kurang percaya diri? Karena keterbatasan keuangan dan keadaan keluarga? =(

Saya ngga akan bilang “baca dong, biar pinter!” Why? Karena pinter itu sangat relatif. Bagi banyak orang, kalau kamu tidak pintar dalam hal yang mereka sendiri dalami, kamu akan dianggap bodoh. That is just how people are.

So this is my advice:

Find something you love doing, and put many hours into until you become very, very good at it. So good at it, it is undeniable to others, and deep inside you KNOW you’re good at something other people aren’t. Menurut saya, dari situ bisa menjadi percaya diri. Meskipun skill tersebut mungkin hanya kamu dan orang2 dekat yang tahu.

Dan jangan bilang keterbatasan keuangan menjadi hambatan to be very good at something. That’s such a basi “Anak SD Negeri”/”tapi kamu kan privileged” excuse that people just looooove using. Keadaan keluarga? Let me guess.. the only reason why people even KNOW about your keadaan keluarga is because you talk about. Stop talking about it, and never let it define who you are.

Hey Vipey, what will you do if you always get underestimated due to your age? And what can I do to get respects from people? Thank you

Appearance matters. I’m not saying that you have to dandan like ibu2 (or bapak2), but sometimes even the simplest things like your choice of footwear makes a difference. Less sneakers, more shoes. Maybe you should wear glasses. I wear mine as an illusion of intelligence, and I’d like to think that they do the job. Think about what you wear. If it looks appropriate di kampus (surf or concert t-shirts), but inappropriate in a workplace, then start dressing like someone who has an office job. Again, bukan berarti harus keliatan seperti teller bank ya. You can figure that out on your own.

Once you get that down pat, analyze how you speak and carry yourself. Do you fidget? Do you shift from side to side? Do you have the urge to ALWAYS say something, even when it’s unnecessary? Do you smile too much because you seek approval from others? Well, try to cut down on all of that.

I’ll bet you most people don’t even know how old you are. So if you feel like they are underestimating you, it’s solely based on how you carry yourself, and what you say.

hi Mr Vipey, what do you think about fat girl? People keeps yelling at me “fat girl” like i am not worth to be born. Please tell me secret recipes to look slimmer. Merci!

I know several overweight girls who live their lives with as much fun (or even more) than the average slim girl. I’m referring to outdoor activities and dating. And want to know the common thread among them? Their weight isn’t even an issue for them. They don’t discuss it, nor do they ever complain about it. So you might want to consider changing your mindset about your body image. Most people will see you the way you see yourself. So I suggest you start from there.

But if you’d like to lose some weight for health reasons and just want to fit into more types of clothing, my suggestion is this:

TAKE YOUR TIME.

Don’t diet. Don’t exercise til you pass out.

Change your lifestyle. Whatever you do, do something that you can maintain for the rest of your life. Don’t aim to lose 2kg a month to only keep it off for 3 years. Aim to lose 1/4 a month and keep it off for the rest of your life. Aqua instead of Teh Botol. Stand at work. Take the long way around when talking. Turun di halte sebelumnya. Walk up the stair instead of taking the elevator. Eat a proper breakfast. Reduce your carbo intake. These are all very easy, and you can do it for the rest of your life.

Take your time. Weigh yourself every two weeks instead of every day. Think of three years instead of three months.