Hmm. I actually had to dig deep into past memories to answer this one. Soal getting “turned off” itu kan banyak levelnya. Mulai dari “ergh” sampai ke “okay, I think we’re done here. Mas, minta bill ya?” And am I apprehensive about listing the things that make me go “ergh”? Yes, I am. Why? Because.. males defend myself aja sih. Itu urusan selera saya sendiri, dan ngga merasa punya kewajiban cari pembenaran.
Soal mispronouncing bahasa inggris.. lah, saya saja bahasa Indonesianya masih sering belepotan, why should I judge someone for that? Coloured hair is fine, even attractive in most cases, but only when it’s done properly. Fake watch and bag.. *IF* I can detect it (like some random sweatshirt with Chanel logo all over it), it might be an “ergh.” Especially if it’s a prestige brand. As I have said before, I wear fake Levi’s 501 with the labels taken off. I don’t see anything wrong with that as I am not misrepresenting myself.
Additional “ergh-triggers” would be a taste in music that is “apa aja yang enak di kuping” *cough R&B cough*, makeup that is too obvious, or likes movies that I hate. She doesn’t have to like the movies that I love, just as long as she doesn’t like the movies that I hate.
Can this “ergh” list go on
forever? Yes, it can. Just as any woman’s “ergh list” about me can go
on indefinitely too. And God knows I’ve made MANY women go “ergh.” It
goes both ways. And ngga ada yang salah kok.
But if you want to know what makes me go “Mas, minta bill ya? Dan bisa tolong agak cepet?” Here we go: Judes (to other people), sengak (“emang nape? suka2 gw! heran deh tu orang”), self-centered (“gw gw gw tuh ya orangnya gini jadi gw kan gw”), mengeluh melulu (“hidup kok rasanya gini2 aja ya”), bragging (“yeah so like I wanna quit my job but my boss is begging me not to”), merasa berhak menasehati (“kamu masa dating2 melulu… hidup itu kan bukan untuk having fun melulu”), ngga senyum, no sense of humour. Oh, and the “semesta menghendaki” bijak-membumi tapi obviously neurotic types.
I don’t know, but I just trust my instincts. It’s not foolproof, of course.. so I’ve learned to trust people only to a certain degree.
But one thing I know for sure: I DON’T trust those who make a point to show off how kind and wise they are. The ones who seem like they look in the mirror every morning and say “Man, I am SUCH a nice/bijak-membumi/semesta memberkati person, I amaze myself sometimes!”
You know it when you see it; especially on
I’ve said it again and I’ll say it before:
If your date looks into your eyes and says “kamu pernah mengalami kesedihan yang mendalam ya?”, you should stand up, step back, turn around, and run for your life.
If there is a red flag for mental issues and korslet in general, this is it.
Even more so if she offers to read your
palm or pulls out Tarot cards.
You know those people who just berkubang
menggelora in their own wisdom? Who you can totally imagine looking at
themselves in the mirror and saying “Damn, I’m such a NICE person”?
Who see themselves as being especially bijak and fulfilled, and somehow never
pass up opportunities to impart their semesta membumi-ness on kamu2 orang with
florid sok-ngajarin language?
Yeah. There you go.
– Always has that membumi/borderline-neurotic smile
– Selalu pakai busana yang “model itu ngga penting, yg penting nyaman”
– Quotes Kahlil Gibran, Paulo Coelho, or
verses from middle eastern mythologies.
– Throws around empty phrases like
“manusia itu diciptakan”, “ambil hikmahnya saja”,
“bersyukurlah”, or “semua akan indah pada waktunya”
– Tweets bijak-holistic words like “semesta” and “kehidupan”
– Never fails to stick a hashtag on
whatever bijak thing he/she is doing this month. Because what’s a good deed if
it ain’t got a hashtag on it, right?
I have no reference but my own observations
and experience. I think we’ve been so accustomed to sayings like “a smile
makes one more attractive” etc etc that we never think it through.
Is it politically correct and enlightened
to think so? Of course. But in reality, TOO MUCH smiling makes a man look weak,
insecure, or worse… smarmy and untrustworthy.
And sometimes it even seems… neurotic.
Look at fashion designers, make-up artists,
instruktur aerobik, penari latar, or those Jakarta girls who move to Ubud.
Notice that creepy wide smile they do, but somehow always look like they are on
the verge of crying? There is a term for that:
“Eccedentesiast” A person who hides their
pain behind a smile.
Unless that person is as kind to numerous
OTHER people as s/he is to me… I’d be cautious and wary.
I notice that people who rush friendship
(as opposed to letting it grow naturally), show off acts of kindness, and make
it a point to show how much they care… tend to be neurotic, needy, and
Not only are these types potential
emotional time bombs, often times they are just plain not nice people in the
No, I do not believe in ghosts and I have never seen any. I do know that there are physiological conditions that affect 10% of the population. Like a deformity in the cochlea that causes visual hallucinations when exposed to sub-frequency sounds.
So add that to a dysfunctional relationship with one’s parents, a pathological need for attention, and you’ve got yourself one of those “gw tuh bisa ngeliat” / “gue tuh indigo” / “I wish was never born with this.. gift..” types.