Vipey, I know this question is a bit weird, but here it goes. As a person with middle income background, I have this jealousy feeling every time I see my friends who can afford to go abroad every summer or bring their whole family for Europe trip and the likes. I know that one has to be grateful in order to have a happy life. However, this “why can’t I be like them” feeling is always there and I am writing this question to you to ask whether as I grow older, this envy feeling will eventually go away or not? Some people are so lucky to be born with looks, brain, and wealth :(

Will it go away? Hmm. The politically correct dripping-with-bijak answer would be: harus sering bersyukur; dan mengingat yang kurang beruntung. But the fact of the matter is, do I feel a tinge of envy when I see 20 year olds bergelimang in luxury AND blessed with good looks pula? Yeah, sure I do.

Because -regardless of “ya belum tentu orangnya juga bahagia, Dri..”-, if you’re born with PAP-able looks and moderate wealth, half of your life battles are done and settled. People are nicer to you, give you the benefit of the doubt, tolerate your bitchiness/douchebaggery, and doors will open much easier.

Vipey, they do have prenups in Indonesia right? I’m thinking in the future when I marry someone I’d want to make a prenup, so shall we go separate ways due to affairs, the perpetrator will be left with only 15% of our assets combined. Do you think this is posible, and will it be effective enough?

Yes, you can arrange for a prenuptial agreement in Indonesia. Yang jadi masalah adalah, seberapa agreement tersebut akan bisa enforced by law. Your safest bet to is convert most of your assets into property before you get married. Because anything purchased after you marry (jewellery, car, stocks, or properties) will be divided into two in case of a divorce. And bear in mind that this works both ways.. whatever your spouse purchased is also half yours. The only thing that remains yours and yours alone is whatever real estate you purchased before marriage.

Hi om, I’m 22 yrs old working in an oil and gas company but my real interest is in pastry and baking. I want to bake and start doing an online shop that specialize in cakes and sort of. Any advice on starting a business especially for food and beverages? Take note that my startup capital isn’t much

My advice? Write a business plan. Just google it, there are countless sites that will guide you on how to write one. Does it mean you’ll stick to your plan once (no, IF) you mulai jualan? Not at all. But it’s a way to think things through coherently.

Honestly speaking, I’d be a rich man if I got seribu perak for every person who asked me for advice on starting a business. And after hours of capek ngomong, in the end akhirnya ngga jadi apa2 (yes, those of you who say “jadi gini, dri… gue tuh mau bikin fesyen label”.. I’m looking at you). So now I always say “send me your business plan, let me read it, and then we’ll talk.”

Oh, and stop using the word “startup.”

Hi VP, saya pria 25y.o. Dalam hal berpacaran apakah harus selalu pihak pria yang membayar biaya pacaran? Dan kapan saat terbaik untuk membicarakan tentang hal ini dengan pacar?

Kalau secara umum, menurut saya sih tidak. Pria tidak harus selalu membayar biaya pacaran. Apalagi kamu umurnya 25 tahun, baru mulai bekerja dan mungkin masih di subsidi. It’s fair to share biayanya, in proportion to keadaan financial masing2… regardless of gender. Kapan saat terbaik untuk membicarakan? Nah ini agak rumit. Menurut saya sih, if you HAVE to discuss it (dan dia ngga ngerti sendiri), she’s probably not the right person for you. Of course you can discuss it. If she disagrees.. well, ya then it’s up to you. Find someone else, or ONLY go to places that you can afford to always pick up the bill. If she has an issue with that, then hasta la vista baby. Tapi ingat ya, ngga ada yang salah atau bener… kalau dia prefer cowok yang bayarin semuanya, itu hak dia. But she should find a guy who does that.

Kalau menurut saya pribadi, I always pay on first dates; and if it continues, I let her pay for 1 out of 4 or 5 dates. And I never go to places that are out of my budget, and I never try to impress by going to places I’d never spend money on even on my own. If something is out of my budget, I say so kok. I just keep it real, lah. Terus terang, if after several dates a woman NEVER offers to chip in, memang agak minus sih di mata saya. It’s not a financial matter, more of an equality matter.

om adrian, need your kind advise. i am 24 y.o female currently planning to be independent and leave my parents house. I am thinking to buy apartment (cicilan ofc) but lots of people said i should just spend some time save up more to buy house. what do u think?

The more you wait and save up to buy a house, the higher the prices will be. So I suggest you start cicilan on an apartment yang belum jadi. Start cicilan for 24 months, and stay with your parents (or kost) in the meantime. This will offer the best capital gain, compared to buying a readily available apartment.

Bagaimana cara menghadapi rasa kurang percaya diri? Karena keterbatasan keuangan dan keadaan keluarga? =(

Saya ngga akan bilang “baca dong, biar pinter!” Why? Karena pinter itu sangat relatif. Bagi banyak orang, kalau kamu tidak pintar dalam hal yang mereka sendiri dalami, kamu akan dianggap bodoh. That is just how people are.

So this is my advice:

Find something you love doing, and put many hours into until you become very, very good at it. So good at it, it is undeniable to others, and deep inside you KNOW you’re good at something other people aren’t. Menurut saya, dari situ bisa menjadi percaya diri. Meskipun skill tersebut mungkin hanya kamu dan orang2 dekat yang tahu.

Dan jangan bilang keterbatasan keuangan menjadi hambatan to be very good at something. That’s such a basi “Anak SD Negeri”/”tapi kamu kan privileged” excuse that people just looooove using. Keadaan keluarga? Let me guess.. the only reason why people even KNOW about your keadaan keluarga is because you talk about. Stop talking about it, and never let it define who you are.

om, sy ditawarin kesempatan sekolah di luar. saya memang pengen bgt ke luar dan ingin serius. tp masalahnya saya takut apa lagi hrs dibarengi parttime krn ga mau bebanin ortu terus. saya juga belom tau mau kuliah apa, dan saya merasa insecure krn ga pinter2 banget. menurut om gimana?

Go. Don’t think twice. Just go.

Itu kesempatan yang sangat berharga. Kalaupun kamu tidak tahu mau kuliah apa, ya tidak ada bedanya dengan disini kan? Might as well go there and figure it out. And kerja part time itu sangat wajar disana (disini aja yang ngga sih), the money is pretty good, and it’s actually pretty fun. In highschool I did everything from mowing grass in the neighbourhood, to clearing tables and washing dishes at restaurants.

Tapi sebaiknya check dulu… apakah boleh bekerja dengan student visa? Kadang ada negara yang tidak memperbolehkan, dan itu menentukan beban finansial ke orangtua kamu. Mungkin masih bisa bekerja part-time, tapi tidak bisa pekerjaan formal.

If you feel insecure karena ngga pinter2 banget… well, guess what: students di luar negeri juga ngga pinter2 amat kok. Trust me. 🙂

So yeah. Go. There is no bad side to that decision. You’ll end up with more life skills than you’ll ever have if you just stayed here. And no, I am not referring to what you’ll learn in class.

what’s the best investment bag? bag as in designer’s handbag

I don’t know anything about women’s handbags, let alone which would make a good investment.

But let’s not fool ourselves. We often use the word “investment” to justify extravagant purchases.

If you wanna invest, go buy yourself some Reksadana. If you want to look good among your female friends (and yes, that IS justifiable), then buy yourself a nice handbag.

Notice I said “female friends” because, frankly speaking… 95% of men are clueless about women’s handbags. Whatever charm they have won’t work on men.

most men pay for the first date. Your thought?

I *always* pay for the first date.

Do I appreciate her offer to split the bill? Yup, of course.. but I still wouldn’t let her pay for it. 🙂

Actually, I have a “1 in 5” rule: assuming she can stand me for more than five dates, she may pay for one out of those five dates.

I consider it the “polite” thing to do (and will always continue doing so), but I’m still kinda conflicted about it.. as it doesn’t quite jive with my belief that both genders are equal, and have equal hak dan kewajiban. So if there’s a guy who insists on splitting the bill… with a heavy heart, I gotta say that I can’t blame him.

Tapi kalo minta dibayarin sih kelaut aja deh tuh cowok.