Hi Vipey… i just recently found your ask.fm account and i am very much helped by your answers. I am going thru depression and your answers from 2 years ago really is helping me to go thru this tough time. I’m still struggling with suicidal thoughts but yr right. Stay for my parents.

Get medical help. There is no shame in it. Back in my days, clinical depression wasn’t as.. uh.. hip as it is these days. It was confusing, disorienting, and yes.. I felt hopeless and alone at the time. These days there is much more awareness, and to some extent, an acceptance.

Clinical depression is an ailment that requires medical treatment. As in, if you had a chronic sore throat you wouldn’t think twice about seeing a doctor for a prescription of antibiotics. We may romanticize it and use it to feed our Tumblr page and tweets and poetry and curhat to selebtwats who merasa they are qualified to offer bijak-membumi “advice”… but no, it’s simply an ailment that requires medical attention.

If I had chronic sore throat for months and had some awareness on the issue, I wouldn’t sit around and berkubang menggelora in it. Unfortunately -unlike a sore throat- it took me years to recognize the symptoms and address the chemical imbalance within me.

As netizens just looove to use the “ya kan ngga semua orang privileged kayak elo” excuse, well then make it a priority. As we do for any medical condition. Skip that music festival for once, brew your own coffee, don’t buy that leather choker, don’t buy that Lang Leav hardcover, and use the money for medication instead. Or better yet, use BPJS.

I’m not talking to you specifically, mind you. Don’t take it personally. I hope you get professional help and pull through. In the meantime… get 8 hours of quality sleep a night, get out in the sun, run or ride a bike (ever seen a person ride a bike miserably?), and drink 2 liters of water a day. That’s the least you can do to alleviate the symptoms.

Good luck. 🙂

Bener banget, Adrian. To those struggling with anxiety/ocd/depression: I know it’s mad annoying when people tell you to exercise, and it took me about 9 medicated years to listen. :)

Nine years of medication? Whoa… that’s a long time for clinical depression. But I can imagine all the advice you received.. starting from talk therapy, meditation, breathing exercise, “banyak2 doa dan bersyukur”, to going vegetarian. And nothing works as effectively as just going for a morning run until you are out of breath. And yes, I hate exercise, and I hate people who TELL me to exercise even more.. but it truly is the most effective way to get rid of the dark cloud of depression.

Despite my 300km a month on a bike, I don’t consider it as exercise… just a means of getting from point A to point B that is much more enjoyable than sitting braindead in a car. Whatever mental and health benefits I get from it, I consider it simply as “excess.”

It’s good that it worked for you, and I replied to this so others can read it too.

Adrian, saya pernah menanyakan perihal mild depression yg tengah saya alami, dan waktu itu kamu (lebih kurangnya) menyarankan bangun pagi, olah raga, kena sinar matahari sbg awal utk menghalaunya. It worked man. Nggak seketika dan langsung sih, tapi start yg efektif. Thanks, man…

I’m really glad the advice was of use. Percaya deh.. dibandingkan meditasi lah, vegetarian lah, latihan pernafasan lah, yang paling efektif untuk menyembuhkan mild depression adalah olahraga pagi sampai keringetan. Kebayang sih, sulitnya seperti apa memotivasi diri sendiri untuk olahraga. Dalam kondisi mental normal saja sudah sulit, apalagi dalam kondisi depressed. And I admire you for that. Get well soon!

Hi vipey. Saya sering merasa depresi dengan hidup namun kebanyakan d malam hari, saat suara2 itu mengambil alih. Apakah caranya adalah dengan olahraga juga? (Seperti yang d bawah2) makasih.

Ah those voices you hear in your head at 3am, eh? I used to call it “The Witching Hour.”

Yang paling efektif sih punya teman atau saudara yang siap dan mau ditelepon di jam segitu, when the voices happen. Ya tentunya tidak perlu beri advice apa2, tapi sekedar untuk mendengarkan saat itu terjadi. Dan memang tidak ada gunanya juga kok, memberi advice kalau sedang dalam kondisi itu.

Saya pernah “stand-by” untuk di telepon untuk beberapa teman yang mengalami hal yang sama, dan katanya sih sekedar baca social media seperti Twitter itu sangat menolong. Saya paham kenapa baca Twitter bisa menolong, karena itu real-time dan seperti ada yang “menemani.” Does it make sense? Nope. But I understand how it works, and if I had Twitter back when it happened to me, I’m sure I would have done the same.

Adrian, I’ve just ‘found’ your page, and been reading it up till 4 months ago. I have been battling my suicidal mind over the years. I don’t want to self diagnose myself either, but going to a shrink in our country I don’t really fancy the idea. Did you find it helpful? -24 F

Bear in mind that my answer is not backed by any research, so take it with a grain of salt. So before you anak2 fakultas psikologi give me a piece of mind on the matter, I suggest you go do better things with your time.

First of all, do you know why you have suicidal thoughts?

If you know *exactly* why; as in specific isssues regarding family, childhood trauma, post traumatic disorder etcetera… then yes, talk therapy with a psychologist (or shrink, as you call it), is probably in order. Because you have an issue to *solve*, and a therapist can help you with that.

But if you have suicidal thoughts with no particular coherent reason, as in “I don’t know why I feel this way, I just do”, then I suggest you see a psychiatrist and get medication for it. I think this falls under “clinical depression”, which there are several types with a variety of symptoms (and yes, best not go down the self-diagnose rabbit hole). And like having a flu, it would be silly to avoid seeing a doctor and suffer this ordeal, when a clear mind is only a resep obat away.

Good luck to you.

Why people with bipolar overrepresented in creative fields?

You are right.. people with bipolar disorder usually work in the creative industry.

My guess is that their brains are wired differently from those who work with numbers and such. I still believe it to be a neurological disorder, or chemical imbalance of some sort. It’s an illness (like the flu) that can treated with proper medication.

So no, clinical depression is not a simple matter of “coba berpikir positif aja, bro” or “harus banyak bersyukur” or “just cheer up!” or “lu liat orang lain dong, banyak yang lebih susah”.

Saat berusia 30 tahun, Adrian sosok yang seperti apa sih?

Hmm. Okay, pertama2 saya mau minta maaf karena akan jawab ini dalam bahasa Inggris. Karena subyek yang agak sulit, dan saya lebih mudah ekspresikan dalam bahasa inggris. Biasanya saya jawab sesuai bahasa yang bertanya.

I was clinically depressed between the age of 28 to 31. It took me four years to become aware that there was something wrong in my brain. Yes, my dad just passed away.. but I’m sure it was more than that. In the daytime my thoughts were racing, I spoke very fast, and I was always on a high. And yes, I was arrogant, reckless, and had a bad temper too. But at night, at 3am (what I referred to as The Witching Hour), I would get anxiety attacks and hear voices in my head. Frankly speaking, I was suicidal for a couple of hours every other night. It was literally temporary insanity.

I didn’t want to die. Well, to be specific.. I didn’t want my mom to deal with my death. I knew it was.. chemical. I mean, we all have problems to deal with. But this was more than just “issues”. So I took steps to deal with it. I was vegetarian for a year, I did yoga and meditation. I finally went to a psychologist and did talk therapy. Didn’t help, and I literally begged her to give me medication. So she referred me to a psychiatrist and was prescribed medication for Bipolar (or what used to be called Manic Depression).

And within a month, I felt.. okay. I don’t have the intense highs anymore, but I also don’t have the crushing abyss of The Witching Hour. And I hope I’m a nicer person now that I ever was during those four years.

I think this is as public as I have ever been about what I went through. But it was an episode in my life I dealt with, and those personal demons are locked away. If anything, I wish I could apologize to my friends, family, and colleagues who endured me during those years, and those who helped me through it.

I’ve been having this mild depression. And having read this page of yours, I feel a slightly better, maybe because I’m having this impression what you write is so close to the reality that most people would deny or dont realize. Terimakasih sdh mengingatkan saya utk sedikit menginjak tanah..

Thanks for the kind words.

Speaking of depression, coba olahraga deh. Yes, yes.. I know how annoying it sounds when people tell you to go exercise. And I know getting started is difficult. But it really does help with mild depression.

Do some jogging or cycling in the morning sun. You’ll feel much better.