Dri, i feel lonely. Is online dating even worth a shot? At finding orang yang *ga usah muluk-muluk* enak di ajak ngobrol aja? As in, nyambung?

Kalau urusan nyambung dan enak ngobrol sih mendingan cari di Twitter atau ask.fm. You can read the person’s thoughts that go back years, with no audience in particular. On dating sites like OkCupid, all you know is what that person wrote on a template profile with the singular purpose of looking and sounding good.

“Ya kan di Twitter dan ask.fm kan banyak yang pencitraan juga…”

Well, if you can’t “read” people well enough from how they write over years… then I suggest you stick to minta dikenalin oleh temen dan saudara.

Dri, how do you prepare to age alone? Sepertinya saya akan mengalami hal tsb. Karena saya tidak menikah & tidak punya anak. Tks Adrian. F33.

Tidak menikah dan tidak punya anak bukan berarti sudah pasti doomed to age alone. We still have our family, friends (virtual and real), and dates (ini sebaiknya “real” only). No preparation necessary, other than having a wide range of friends.

And as friends start to taper off as we age (we lose them to their own families etc), it’s best to have more than a few spares. The same goes for dates/boyfriends/girlfriends: don’t put all your eggs in the same basket, and always have several options available. They come and go; so make peace with that.

Hi Adrian, How did you embrace the essence of being alone without feeling lonely? Were there moments when you really wanna talk with someone but you were afraid cause it would make you look weak?

Hello. I’m gonna consider those two separate questions that have no relevance to one another because… well, they just don’t. 🙂 And you really shouldn’t confuse the two.

First question: I’m not alone. I have my friends, family, and pets. I go out on dates. And when they are not around, I keep myself occupied with movies, the internet, reading, cooking, and work. Perhaps you asked me that because I never seem to have a girlfriend? Well, guess what… if you don’t feel complete without a relationship, you’ll never feel complete with one.

Second question: No. If I’m afraid of ever talking about whatever problem I have, it’s out of fear of looking weak. It’s out of fear of not being understood.

How do you deal with loneliness?

In my opinion, lonely people are people who put all their eggs in one basket.

As much as I enjoy the company of others, I can also lose myself in things such as books, movies, and cycling. It’s perfectly normal to feel lonely. But the idea of having your entire world revolve around the existence of other people is… not recommended.

One of the most saddest things I’ve ever witnessed are people who are so fearful of loneliness, they’ll take whatever (and whoever) comes their way… whether it is right for them or not; whether it makes them happy or not. We all know people like this. They are driven by fear, not by preference.

Find a way to be happy with yourself, and you’ll be better at handling those moments alone.