hi vipertongue, i’m 28 y.o guy and has been seeing 40 y.o woman for 6 months now. i really like her and i think we’re compatible both in bed and conversation. but.. she wont commit. how do i convince her?

You can’t. You may present your case for commitment, but that’s about all you can do. Especially with a 40 year old woman. People that age know what they are doing, and why. If you have been seeing her for at least 2 years, you *might* have a fighting chance. Six months may seem like a long time for you, but not for her.

There is nothing wrong with what you want, and you have the right to pitch it to her. But the fact remains that both of you want different things. And neither of you should make any apologies (or defend) your respective choices. Itu urusan sendiri2 sih. If it comes to a stalemate, you might have to rethink if you want to continue. And sorry to say, mate.. the burden of decision is on you, not her.

The last thing you ever want to do is continue dating with a hidden agenda to change her, and years later when your plan fails, you become enraged and play victim. That’s what Lesser Men do. You don’t want to be a Lesser Man.

Vipey. How can a man just leave and abandoned his family? As a child i felt really rejected and extra wondering if there’s even an answer. I am now a grown up woman. But the question remains.

Often times when a man dies, however vile and despicable he lived his life, at the very least someone will say “he was a good father”. And he probably was. Being a father is almost like the lowest common denominator of being a male and a human being. And we’ve watched enough movies where one’s reason for living is to his child one more time, seeking redemption for whatever mistakes he has done in the past. We see this theme in movies ranging from The Rock to Star Wars.

Unfortunately life often does not imitate art. Time and time again, I’ve seen men who walked out on their child for whatever reason. Whatever earthly duniawi pleasures I may berkubang menggelora in while I’m out of town, I always find my way home to be with my kid. Come hell or high water, I will ALWAYS find my way home. So how do some men walk away from their own flesh and blood -their own genetic copy, if I may add- is beyond my comprehension. I normally avoid bringing up my personal life here, but it had to be stated.

I wish I could answer your question. I’m sorry, but I simply can’t. And I’m sorry you grew up without him. Family is what you make it, however you personally define it. And he didn’t reject you, and you shouldn’t feel that way. What he did was abandon his family, and by doing so, he abandoned his own manhood.

hi i am 22 years old guy. i am really interested with this girl i found in social media. ive done a bit of stalking to know her attitude looks like (i know its not safe measurement to know her attitude). i message her and shes been meh to okay to reply. (knowing that iam a total stranger out of nowhere). the question is how do i approach her to let her know that i have a relation intend not just random msg from stranger (you get it). sorry its a really stupid question for a 22 years old guy. ive seen your answer and its really enlightening and all. i want to make this work if i can.

To express interest in someone is okay. To persist expressing it, is not.

So you’ve messaged her once, and her reply was ranging from “meh” to “okay”. I say try messaging her ONE more time. If her reply is close-ended, and she doesn’t lempar bola back to you in the form of a question, then you know it’s time to stop and move on. It’s not a pleasant feeling, I know.. But that’s the name of the game, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.

And you will harbor NO ill feelings towards her because of this.

You will NOT hate her for not being interested in you.

You will NOT start picking apart her tweets or pictures because you are butthurt.

Remember, you have done the same (and will do) to several women who are interested in you, in the past and future. How would you feel if they slandered you simply because you didn’t feel the same way for them? Exactly.

Real Men know that once bolanya tidak dikembalikan, they pull themselves together and politely excuse themselves to fight another day. Lesser Men pursue and pester and persuade and coerce and overstay. And become cranky little boys when they fail to “win” what they “perjuangkan”.

You don’t want to be a Lesser Man.

When a guy is sending you messages every day and it seems that he’s having fun as much as you, but he just stops doing that, does it mean that it’s over? And why oh why would you guys do that? You chase us, then you runaway.

It’s not over. It just means the ball is in your court, and it’s *your* turn to return it. That’s the proper way to do it.

Real men wait quietly for the initiative on your part. But lesser men? Lesser men pursue, persuade, and plead for women to respond to them.

Do you ever get jealous, say, if you were dating a woman who’s also dating multiple men? If not, how do you do that (not get jealous)?

Do I ever feel jealous? Yes, of course I do. Do I act on how I feel? No, I do not.

The way I see it, if I were to make an issue of her dating multiple men, then SHE has the right to make an issue of me dating multiple women.

It’s really not complicated. If I wanted her to stop, then I would have to stop. Short of that, I have no special privilege of making any demands of her. And any man who thinks otherwise is, well… a Lesser Man.