hi adrian, can you give us a do and donts or any tips and trick for woman in a ‘pdkt’ stage of relationship where it’s still a bit blurry and confusing? i find that it’s the hardest stage.

Here’s a tip: when you have that uncontrollable urge to do something, don’t do it. Sleep on it, give it more time, and when you do finally do it… tone it down. Way down.

Trust me.. you have no idea how temporarily insane some people become when interested in someone. And just like the clinically insane, they are *always* unaware just how crazy they have become.

Hi vipey, i wanna ask. Aku dan pacarku seumuran, tp dia nganut sistem ‘berbakti’ gt. Aku sebagai pihak musti memperlakukan dia seperti raja karna dia sosok pemimpin. Tp aku pgn gaya pacaran kebarat2an, yg tampak seimbang dan fair. Step apa ya yg musti kita lakuin supaya kita berubah?

Personally, I’m not that guy yang minta dipanggil “mas”, assumes that “bikin teh sore2” is my girlfriend’s duty, or minta diladeni hanya karena saya seorang pria.

But does that make your boyfriend “wrong”? Not at all. Terserah dia sih, preferensi-nya seperti apa. Dan sama hal-nya dengan kamu. Neither of you should make ANY apologies for your preferences. Ada perempuan yang suka “meladeni”, dan ada laki2 yang suka pasangan-nya berkedudukan yang sama. And you know what.. semua ada “jodohnya” masing2.

So, to answer your question:

Step apa yang mesti dilakukan supaya berubah?

Cari pasangan baru yang sesuai preferensi masing2.

Dri, wdyt men who’s charming as hell eventually fall out of his grace & turn out to be hell-ish? I almost think I hv curse of loving someone & then turning them into manipulative narcissist :) Now when I meet Prince Charming who make my knees tremble I keep the distance & leave him in ‘grace zone’

Because “charming like hell” and “manipulative douchebag” are two sides of the same coin. A genuinely good person has no need to be charming. A charming man, on the other hand, has an agenda.. as charm is just another form of persuasion. And if he doesn’t get what he is scheming for, that’s when his true colors show.

You know those women who say things like “gw suka cowok romantis”? Those are the ones yang paling gampang dikibulin, karena gampang dimanipulasi dengan hal2 romantis. But hey, maybe that delusion is worth it. I’m sure some women consider it a fair trade-off: treat me like garbage, but I get PAP-able roses now and then. Or in plain english: “tapi kalo lagi baeq, dia baeeeq bgt.”

I am willing to bet that men who emotionally or physically abuse women, spend twice as much for Valentine’s Day than men who treat their women with respect and kindness.

So keep that in mind the next time you see a PAP of some guy’s grand romantic gesture with 5000 likes.

what happened between you and your date dri? mind to share your experience for educational purpose?

I have no idea who the anon is. Honestly, it could have been anybody.

But let’s break the message into it’s components:

“You act like you’re god’s gift to women.” – Okay, personally I think guys who act like they are God’s gift to women are the ones who timpal2 ngga penting to all the women on social media, DM cewek sana-sini, tweet sex stuff, nyepik2 or lagak “player” on Twitter, reply2 to pujian on ask.fm, pursues and persuades women to go out with him, reply to questions that give him the opportunity to show off how many women he dates, and dates women who PAP pics together with him. Of course, this is my own personal definition, and no.. I don’t fit that description.

“Face it, you do manipulate women.” – ma·nip·u·late məˈnipyəˌlāt, verb. To control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously. This is the BEST part of the accusation sih. If I challenged the anon to explain in what way I *deceived* her, or tell me exactly how I *lied* to her, or *misrepresented* who I am or how I am to her… I guarantee she wouldn’t be able to give a definite and substantial answer (diluar jawaban yang dicari2 untuk membenarkan her rage, mind you.) As in, what exactly did she not know or was not aware of about me, that justifies her pulling Korban?

“It was a mistake to have dated you.” – I appreciate her honesty in this part. Because yes, kemungkinan besar it was “her dating me” instead “me dating her.” Why? Because I don’t (actively) approach or pursue women. I make no promises, and I offer nothing at all. To any woman. So if anything happened between us, it was on her… and her alone. So why was it a “mistake”? Tanpa mau kedengeran sok tahu about it, my guess is that she had a hidden agenda and deceived me about what she truly wanted.. and when her plan didn’t work out, she called it a “mistake” and blamed me for it. Preposterous and facedesk-inducing? Well.. welcome to my life. Now you know.

Whoever that anon was, I wish her the best in the future. And hopefully she dates men who fit the criteria of what she is looking for, instead of someone who isn’t, and see as someone who she can change. Because if her manipulative plans (make no mistake, that IS manipulation) don’t work out, then she’ll be back to square one and pulling “Korban” on social media all over again.

Hi Dri. I’ve been meaning to ask this girl, but words are you and her were (are?) together. Not sure if you could tell which one.. She’s cute, very smart, tatoos, nice friendly person. Been 2 years now 😄 so if she’s not exclusive with you, hope you won’t mind if I approach her :-) I’m female btw.

Not that I know (exactly) know who you are referring to, but seriously… go ahead. I have no claim nor ownership over anyone I am dating or have dated, as they have no claim over me. So people, please stop asking me for permission. It ain’t mine to give in the first place.

Vipey, how am i supposed to deal with a woman who played victim’s card?

Not much can be done when she starts pulling the victim card. The best you can do is practice “early detection.” It’s not easy, but over time and with more experience, you’ll be able to sniff them out. And please don’t ask me what the signs are. 🙂

The best you can do is protect yourself. First of all, archive all chats, and screencap key conversations. Email to yourself the transcripts and screencaps, using her name as the subject (for easy search).

And IF push comes to shove, make sure she knows you kept meticulous records of what she said and what was *mutually* agreed upon. And because you have nothing to hide, you have no qualms about posting it online IF she goes nutjob ballistic.

Will she find some other Loophole To Justify Her Baseless Rage (or “Celah Amarah” in Indonesian)? Oh yes. They always do. But it’s always good to have those transcripts and screencaps in your back pocket.

Hari gini masih “He Said She Said”? Capek deeeh… let the digital paper trail speak for itself.