Random Non Sequiturs 9

If you find it necessary to involve the will of God to get something done, it means you don’t really want to do it.

Berryphoria:  The high you experience before you start struggling with your Eazypay installments.

Adrian’s Rules to Better Living, #53: Open Outlook Express, click Tools, Rules, and automatically delete any incoming messages containing the following words: “pencerahan”, “kisah sebuah”, “hikmah”, “secercah”, “renungan”, or “Kahlil Gibran”.

Anyone who finds it necessary to post “ayo semangat!” on monday mornings, really hates his job.

If you are at a bar and pleasantly buzzed, never accept any type of dodol offered to you.  God knows I learned that the hard way.  And unfortunately, so did the parking lot at Tabac’s.

A man cannot survive on elbow-candy alone. Sure, it may impress your buddies…. but sooner or later, you’re going to have to start having conversations with her.

You know the type of people who whip out a sketchbook at Starbuck’s, and sketch dresses in a fit of fevered inspiration?  They don’t work in fashion.

“Marriage and kids are choices. They are neither achievements nor obligations.” – Leony Aurora

If someone’s Facebook or Yahoo Messenger status proclaims how wonderful it is to be single, artinya baru ditolak.

Did you know that the marble slabs used to make martabak are usually stolen from cemeteries?  So yeah, the next time you bite into your martabak spesial and see a partial impression of “Beristirahat Dengan Tenang”, now you know why.

How do women maintain lifelong friendships?  Call and write each other, cry over Haagendazs in pajamas, gossip over cosmopolitans, bond over frappucinos.  How do men maintain lifelong friendships?  We email each other porn every two weeks.

Never trust a man who uses the terms “ane – ente”. “Tapi itu ‘kan dari bahasa arab, yan?”  Well yes… My point exactly.

There was a “Bule with a Mission” NGO in Central Java that socialized AIDS awareness via wayang golek shows. Yeah dude, the last time I checked, high risk inviduals are heavy into the wayang golek scene, big time.

If your date ever says “gw bc buku cm sblm tdr spy cpt ngntuk aj”, slowly stand up, step away, and run for your life.

“Faith:  It won’t give you all of the answers, but it sure will stop you from asking further questions.” – Frater Ravus

Forget the cheers, but always, always remember the jeers.

We all die alone.  Even if we have children, we all die alone. If you think they would join, then you are seriously overestimating their love for you.

How to get into Time and CNN:  Join an underground band in a developing or religiously conservative country.  Throw in some politically charged lyrics, and you’ll practically have the western media eating out of your hands.  Oh yes, my friend… this is definitely the Stuff White People Like.

Cool Name for a Band:  “Tiko Tiko and the Boseco’s”.  And we’ll all wear Pegawai Negeri Sipil uniforms and have long nicotine-stained thumbnails.

It’s not your parent’s responsibility to understand what you want to do with your life.  It’s your responsibility to prove to them that you do. And if you’re lucky, they might even take you seriously enough.

Being stuck to listening to the music of your bygone youth is the equivalent of having a desperate combover. Move on.  Seriously.

Koko Angkat: The guy who once tried to get into her pants… and failed.

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