Random Non Sequiturs 3

Move to Bali once in your life.  Leave before you start going all “Bali-er Than Thou” and act smugly superior to Jakartans.

You know you work in advertising if you wear t-shirts with satiric junk food logos, listen to Mika, watch Wong Kar Wai, and think that Benyamin is cool.  “I’m so hip and ironic, I amaze myself sometimes!”

You know you’re a Rabid Bunda if your email address is “(insert child’s name here)-ku@yahoo.com”

How to lose friends and alienate people:  Join an MLM.

I would be a rich man if I received a penny everytime I hear a musician wax poetic on how music is a “universal language that crosses boundaries and cultures.”

There are only three things in life that are certain: Death, taxes, and a child’s fondness for spaghetti.

If I ever get married one day, I plan on kneeling down and washing her feet instead. The look on all of my relatives’ faces?  Priceless!

Ever wondered why men’s shirts unbutton and open from the left side, and a women’s shirts the opposite way?  A man uses his right hand to draw his sword or gun from the left side of his belt, and a woman breastfeeds using the left breast as it is closest to her heart.  Men kill, women nurture.

My advice to malaysian rockers:  Add more fiber to your diet. You just might sing better.

If you ever survived getting two of your cats into the back of the car to take to the vet, its difficult not come away thinking “Noah, you da man, bro…” regardless of your personal beliefs.

There are quite a few things that can make you feel good about life.  Watching a child attack a plate of spaghetti is one of them.

There is a good reason why you hear the term “lakor” more often than “binor”.  It’s not that we would never fall for another man’s wife, but we consider it shameful.  So no, you won’t hear men gabbing over cosmopolitans on how “cewek gue lagi banyak masalah ama lakinya, and besides, I’m a much better man for her…”

So yeah, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:  Why do women talk about “sisterhood” so much? Because deep down, they know they’d backstab and walk over each other when the opportunity presents itself.

Proof that George Lucas is Indonesian, #28: Count Dooku (Sith Lord/fruit), Jawas (little hooded people on Tatooine/The Superior Indonesian Race), Han Solo (Harrison Ford/lots of slow-moving Jawas reside here).

There is always somebody worse off than you are.  And probably deserved it less, too.

You know something is fundamentally wrong when your best defense for it is “Yes, but the book itself teaches peace and goodwill, not violence and hatred.”

If your boyfriend’s eyes never, ever wander, be prepared to face the fact that he’s actually gay.  I’m dead serious on this.  And if all this time you thought it’s because his eyes were only on you, it looks like someone is in for a big surprise.

Cool name for a chinese restaurant: “The Ignorant Duck (d/h Cuek Bebek)”

Figure out what you would gladly do for free.  If you happen to be somewhat good at it, find out a way to make people pay you some money to continue doing so.  Top it off with good health, good friends, and some peace of mind, and hey… you’ve got yourself a pretty decent gig going on there.

Live in Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you start wearing yellow “Live Strong” wristbands and carry a “I Am Not a Plastic Bag” bag without having a frickin’ clue what its all about.

Jawa uber alles.


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