Random Non Sequiturs 10

Anyone who thinks the canteena scene on Tatooine is surreal has obviously never ventured inside a bule bar in Blok M.

You know you’re a pribumi-entrepreneur if you create a Facebook fan-page for your business before you even make your first sale.

Rule of thumb: If they call themselves “Komunitas”, it ain’t gonna be a very fun crowd. They can kill a good party before you can say “Jurnal Perempuan”.  Trust me on this one.

To say that the British came to Indonesia to colonize us is like saying the Americans landed in Normandy to take over France.

Never trust a man who insists on saying “kalo gue sih orangnya…”. Don’t tell me what kind of man you are.  I’ll observe your behaviour and make my own conclusions, thank you very much.

If you visit me at work, you may call it kain, bahan, or tekstil… but if you ever call it “cita”, I am throwing you out of my second floor window.

Can’t live with em, can’t do most positions without ‘em. Sigh.

I was once so fat, if I didn’t finish tying my shoelaces in one go, I would have to come up for air lest I pass out of oxygen deprivation.

If you are on a date with a GBU chick and she starts squealing in delight when “God is Watching Us”, “Sometimes When We Touch”, or anything by Susan Wong comes on… trust me, that’s all the squealing you’ll be hearing because there is no chance you are getting laid tonight.

One country claims our traditional dance to be theirs, we practically prepare to wage war.  Another country rapes and abuses our TKI’s, we aspire to live like them.

When I was a boy, my dad gave me Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Make Friends and Influence People”.  I’d like to think it was because he wanted me to become a man of influence, but it was more likely because I had no friends.

If you can’t legalize it, dodolize it.

Never trust a bule who claims to know Indonesia, yet all he orders is gado-gado and satay. That is sort of like saying you are a jazz fan but all you listen to is Incognito and Fourplay.  But hey, if you..cialis uh, actually listen to jazz…  well, this venue is for civilized conversations, let’s just keep it that way, shall we?

Beware of women who look at you intently and say “kamu pasti pernah mengalami kesedihan yang mendalam ya?”.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

The second best thing about having a girlfriend is there is always someone to watch movies with.

You know it’s a bad movie when the villain laughs too much and all his henchmen wear shades.

Most designers start out by cutting up their sister’s Barbie dresses.  I think I got started by pestering my mom into sewing me a replica of the jacket Luke Skywalker wore on Dagobah.

When a tv-spot finds it necessary to inform the viewer that the talent hawking the product is an “international star”, he ain’t.

I usually wear my shirtsleeve cuffs unbuttoned, like how Brad Pitt wears them in Ocean’s Eleven.  So how is that working out for me?  Oh, about as effective as that whole shaved-head/Jason Statham thing I did.

Yes, I work in mysterious ways too. The difference is that He gets away with it, and I don’t.

Other people don’t think of you as often as you might think they do.  Like you, they have better things to do with their time.

If a tune goes around in your head and you cannot get rid of it, finish singing the song in its entirety.  In the end, like everything else in life, all we want is closure.

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