Random Non Sequiturs 1

The more respectable and prominent an Indonesian family is, the more skeletons are squeezed tightly in their closet screaming to be let out.

Move to Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you find it perfectly acceptable for a radio-station to call itself “Hard Rock FM” and play Michael Bublé.

After three and a half centuries of struggle, Indonesia declared its independence 11 days after the U.S. dropped the atom bomb on Hiroshima.  You do the math.

The tip of your tie should fall at the exact center of your belt.  Any shorter and looks clown-ish, any longer and it would look like you’re desperately compensating.

Give God a break.  If it ain’t important, don’t waste a prayer on it.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you have Phillip Glass, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan or Youssou N’Dour on your iPod.

Malaysia: Truly Indonesia

Women who always date wealthy and good-looking men will always have a distant ex-boyfriend who isn’t.   And she will make sure you never, ever, ever forget that little fact. So help you God.

Any profession that deals with outward appearance, such as fashion, hair and beauty, or aerobics, has a higher percentage of insecure neurotic people.

Ayam Negeri: The same, only with desk jobs.

While on the subject, why do bule guys here always make snide eye-rolling comments on how Indonesians never read any books, watch crappy television, and hang out at the mall too much, yet only date poultry-esque women who are barely literate enough to read Cosmopolitan?

At the end of the day, it really does come down to this:  Marry the one person you love having conversations with. The sex won’t be that great after you are sixty anyways.

You know you’re Indonesian fashion designer if you have ever used the following words to name your seasonal collection: “Elegy”, “Rhapsody”, or “Sonata”.

How can you disavow a religion if you never consciously converted?  And no, your dad whispering into your ear or dipping your head in water when you were a baby does *not* count.

“Lho, saya sudah mempelajari yang lain, dan ini yang paling benar”.  Sure dude, you go ahead and tell yourself that if you want.

“Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool.” -Anonymous

If a girl on the ‘net asks you “kamu orang mana?” within the first 30 minutes, no need to ask her the same question.  She’s chinese. Trust me on this one.

My father taught me that both a gold Rolex and a cheap-ass Casio will tell you the same time.  He also told me to stay away from the type of people who say “It’s not about the time it tells, it’s about what it says about you.”

Pembokatus Interruptus:  When the maid walks in.

One of the first things you learn when you work in the fashion industry is that “beauty” and “attractiveness” are two very different things.

Many Indonesians get married out of fear, not because of love. Fear of parents, relatives, society, loneliness, financial insecurity and the ticking clock.

Yes, I realize buying pirated movies and music is wrong.  But after watching “MTV Cribs”, I simply stopped caring.  If you can sit on the toilet, press a button, and a 55” HDTV rises from your bathroom floor, you don’t need my measly rupiahs.

Real men don’t eat rujak. Or quiché, for that matter.


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