Pria dan wanita bisa punya hubungan yang murni platonik tanpa harus “beranjak” dari fase lain. Anyone who says otherwise probably never had close friends of the opposite sex.
Or only objectifies them as a.) “bisa neh”, or b.) “ogah ah.”
Well, I can’t speak for him. I think he needed direction and arahan. Some people find purpose and jati diri from within, some people need it.. well, handed down to them by old men long dead.
What’s it like for the rest of the family?
Perfectly fine. Whatever makes you happy or gives you pegangan, man. My parents
believed that we should choose whatever gives us peace of mind. It’s our own
lives to live, after all. Do I personally understand how some people find
comfort in this regional/cultural myth over that regional/cultural myth? Nope.
But hey.. why should anyone justify what makes them happy?
I’m sure the majority of you probably uttered some grateful phrase in Arabic upon my brother choosing (not “born into”, not “converted”, but “chose”) Islam. But if he was located in Bangladesh at the time, he could have easily chosen Hindu. And hey, we’d be fine with that too. One man’s deity is another man’s four-armed talking elephant.
Let me give you a bit of context. My
parents where born in in the 1930s. That would make them *grandparents* for
most of you. Yet, they were open minded enough to raise us without any cultural
brainwashing, and let us choose to how to live our own lives.
It’s easy to berkubang menggelora in our diversity and self-congratulate our liberal social media personas for befriending those of different beliefs. Fine. But just keep that in mind fifteen years from now; when your own children prefer to subscribe to the “kasih” or “mindfulness” of some other belief system. A belief system that was not inherited and chosen by the parents, and grandparents before them. Or when your son or daughter wishes to marry someone of a different ethnicity and religion. Or perhaps of the same gender. When that day comes, remember how proud you were of posting pics of your friends of different faiths.
I mean, it’s not like you were born in the
1930s, after all.
Sudah. Kalau ngga salah sih dia sudah ada
Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, dan Ask.FM. Sekarang sudah cukup umur untuk
Facebook, tapi konon dia belum bikin karena.. she considers it too mainstream.
Do I follow her? No. I think she should
have her privacy. Her mom and I occasionally skim through her social media, but
we don’t check it everyday. I don’t think she follows me either, but her
friends often Like or RT my ask.fm and Twitter, so of course she knows what I
post here and there.
Is that an issue for me? Not at all. I
personally consider my thoughts and views just as valid for my own daughter, as
they are for anyone else.
Of course. Banyak kok anggota keluarga
besar saya yang relijius; dari katolik, protestan, dan islam. Sejauh ini sih
belum pernah diskusi atau debat mengenai agama. I guess there is no reason to,
and none of them have ever given me a reason to argue either.
But honestly, the matter came up during the
illness and eventual death of my father and sister. But I know they had good
intentions, so sometimes you have to let things slide. There is always a time
and place for such debates to take place. That wasn’t one of them.
True, we can’t control what society says. But we can control how we react to it, and how our child will deals with it. Tapi beneran deh, rata2 orang ngga akan peduli kok. Never overestimate how much people think or talk about us.. they really don’t care that much. And the ones who do, will be people whose opinions mean nothing to you anyways.
Sorry ya, ini saya reply setelah lebih dari
sebulan. In general, I never reply to any questions that contain compliments of
any sort. But since the rest of your question was relevant enough, let me say
it one more time: adoption has NOTHING to do with being “baik.” I do
things because it personally feels right, and because I find it rewarding. So
in the end, it’s a selfish reason like any other.
Ibu saya tidak bekerja, tapi cukup aktif.
Saking aktifnya, saya saja susah ketemu kadang2. Selain sering reunian sama
teman2 SMA (“Mumpung ada yang masih bisa bertemu, Dri..”), dan juga
mengasuh English Conversation Club. Biasanya kumpul setiap minggu, dan
presentasi topik dalam bahasa Inggris. Seringkali ibu minta saya riset sebuah
topik untuk dipresentasikan dan dibuatkan naskah. It’s basically her Pecha
Kucha, but for the Oma-Opa set.
We don’t celebrate Idul Fitri, but she
always makes cookies and sends it to friends and family. She sent me her famous
kastengels last week too. I had friends over, and I love seeing the wide-eyed expression
on their faces when they try them. And it gets even better when I reveal that
my mom made them.
I’m glad that she is busy and occupied, that way she doesn’t fuss and get stressed out by the little stuff in life, as most old people usually are. Anything to keep her mind off “Dri, lha mbok yo berkeluarga toh” is all good to me. 🙂
(2019 update: mom passed away in August 2016)
Sorry, apa hubungannya trauma urusan laki2,
dan ngejar karir? Because if you are implying that women yang ngejar karir itu
adalah sebagai KOMPENSASI urusan menikah/berkeluarga… that would *really*
piss me off.
Terus terang, ada beberapa hal yang bikin
kaget sih waktu pindah ke Indonesia. My sister was very successful in her career,
and was mostly single until the end of her life. It took me a while to
“ngeh” what people meant when they would comment “oh pantesan,
karirnya bagus.” And when I realized what it meant, yes.. it made my blood
Some of us live the way we want to live: by
conscious choice, and by what makes us happy. Not because we are compensating
for something else.
Sebetulnya jarang sekali sih, orangtua saya
ngajak jalan2. The last serious trip we ever did as a family was keliling
Amerika Serikat pakai mobil van (yang ada dapur, kamar mandi, tempat tidur)
selama sebulan penuh. After that, mom and dad took yearly your berdua saja
keluar negeri.. sementara kita anak2nya harus mengurus usaha keluarga while
they are away. Biasanya kita ditinggal 3 sampai 4 minggu dalam setahun.
Anyways, on another note.. 2 weeks ago
@manampiring and I sadly talked about how now that we can afford to take our
parents places, they are just too old to travel anywhere. Well, tanpa bermaksud
kedengeran seperti oom2 menggurui.. you younger people should keep that in
Nope. My parents are very progressive as it is, regardless of where I was born. Considering they were both born in the mid 30’s, that just shows how far ahead they were of the times. Put it this way… tanpa ada bahasan pendahuluan apapun, my dad said “Dri, kamu mau menikah sama si mbok-pun kalau memang cinta, ya silahkan.”
Now think about how all these current
God-fearing church-going parents would react if some of you even brought home
someone of a different race or social strata. All that teachings of “kasih
sesama” would go down the toilet before I even click the
Funny how my parents gave me all the
freedom to do something as *I* choose, and I simply have no intentions to do
it. And just in case you are curious… no, I didn’t have anything going on
with si mbok.
Priyayi? Aren’t those the type who demand
to be called “mas”, have a family picture in traditional clothing,
menikah dengan pasangan bibit bebet bobot whatever, take hollow pride in who
they descended from, think they are doing the world a favour by
“meneruskan keturunan” (like the world actually cares), and say stuff
like “harkat dan martabat keluarga”?
Hmm. Let me think for a moment.
No, probably not.