hi there can i get your pov? do you believe that all men cheat? is it true that ALL men have that nature? i kinda scare of marriage, if i found a man who’s secretly into open relationship and turns out couldn’t be faithful to me.

I’m going to skip your questions, as I can’t presume to know what most men are like. Besides, I’d still like to live a few more years, thank you very much.

So instead, I’ll go direct to your statement “i kinda scare of marriage.” Well, put it this way.. right now, at this moment, you think that a husband cheating is an Extinction Level Event. But my guess is, once you’re married, you’ll consider it just one of the “costs of doing business.”

Does it suck? Sure. But think of the alternatives of NOT getting married: dying alone, diomongin keluarga, dianggap ngga laku, tidak ada yg support, tidak punya anak, ngga ada yang beliin handbag, and the soul-crushing loneliness.

So yes, it’s simply the cost of doing business… and not the Extinction Level Event you perceive it to be now.

So you learn to live with it, and you learn to accept it. And hey, you may do it yourself on the side. Nothing makes you morally superior to him. A Facebook flirt here, a Tinder match there… I can go on.

Now regarding “if i found a man who’s secretly into open relationship”, I have a few things to say:

Why is it that those men who CLAIM to be in a so-called “open relationship” must always be CAUGHT first, before making the revelation? If a person is truly in a mutual and consensual open-relationship, he would be honest about it from the very beginning. To ALL parties involved.

Short of that, I consider the guy just another lesser man; a douchebag making excuses.

Halo Om Vipey, tulisan om tentang perselingkuhan membuat saya ketakutan untuk menikah. Buat apa nikah kalo eventually bakal begitu? :”)

Because when marriage works… it works. And yes, it’s happiness ever after.

But in SOME cases mungkin memang dianggap trade-off yang layak ya. Ngga apa2 kok merem dikit.. asal ada pasangan, pas sekarat ada yang nemenin, ada yang menuruskan keturunan, ada yang nemenin di hari tua, memenuhi harapan keluarga dan masyarakat, dan tuntutan agama. (Hey man, I didn’t make those up… I just repeat what I hear.)

Who am I to say that’s not a fair trade-off? I can’t use my personal standards for others.

What is life if not a series of compromises? 🙂

(22/F) Less than a year relationship – my significant other cheated on me and had sex with a hooker. I was purely disgusted, because I thought we knew this was an exclusively monogamous relationship. But he deeply regrets it and said he wanted to change for the better. What’s your take on this?

Let me guess… he’s the menantu idaman / good boy type, right? Guess what.. that’s how they roll.

“Oh not MY boyfriend.. he’s an anak gereja/baik2” Well, guess again. If there is ONE thing that most women are blissfully (and LAUGHABLY) unaware of, is how often *those types* pay for sex. Especially asian males with conservative backgrounds. Does it mean you should accept it? Not at all. But if you think it will never happen again, all I can say is… good luck on that.

Or, you could just date those so-called “bad boys”. They don’t pay for sex.

Why? Because they don’t have to.

About the “shouldnt tolerate cheating”. Well dude, dont you think women could cut some slack for certain cases. I mean you know the perks of staying single,boys will be boys thats for sure,so that committed guy could be just “taking a break”.

I guess you are right, dude.

So that means you’ll cut your girl some slack for grinding on top of some guy while moaning his name, right? As she’s probably just “taking a break” from her commitment to you. No biggie.

I mean, it’s not like you think -just because we are men- that we have special male privileges in the matter.

Of course not.

Only Lesser Men think they have special privileges over women.

We’re not Lesser Men.

Suami setia atau ayah yang baik?

A man who always talks about how much he loves his kids -but conveniently never mentions his wife- is usually a philandering douchebag. He shows off how much he loves his kids to make up for his moral shortcomings. These are the guys who, when talking to women, refer to the wife as “mamahnya anak2” to downplay the fact that he is married.

A man who who always talks about how much he loves his wife… wait, I’ve never met a guy who does that. And I bet you haven’t either.

Go figure.

I like this guy and he shows interest in me. The thing is, I know he is seeing other girls and I am actually okay about that. I am a bit frustrated that he talks to me when he wants to, but when I want to talk to him, it seems he always has things to do with his other girls. Am I being immature? Thx

No, you’re not being immature. But if the fact that he sees other women bothers you -despite your “I am actually okay about it”-, means you’re probably not right for each other. There is no right or wrong, just “incompatible”.

Considering that MOST men out there are monogamous (or at least *pencitraannya* demikian), wouldn’t it be much easier to just find someone who rolls the same way you do? Because if not, sooner or later you’ll end up pulling out the “korban” card.

Trust me, you don’t want to be that person.

Define loyalty in a relationship, in a time where nowadays sleeping around is a common thing.

I believe loyalty is how you *mutually* define it. You can subscribe to the commonly accepted definition of it, or you can set your own rules which work best for *both* parties.

I just think people should keep their word, whatever they are. Like saying “I’m not looking for anything serious, and it’s okay for you to see other people” and not going psycho-ballistic when it *actually* happens.

Sorry. You don’t date? But I bet people like you see lots of girls at the same time. Is it hard to manage? Have you ever switched their names accidentally? Or you just call them “Dear”.

Let’s say your assumption regarding “see lots of girls” is correct, for argument’s sake.

Is it hard to manage? No. I wouldn’t bother doing it if it was. And it would only be difficult if lying or deceiving was involved. You know who it would be hard for? That married guy with ONE affair. Because that would involve lies and deception. I suck at lying. If I was any good at lying, I’d be married by now.

Have I ever switched names accidentally? No. Unless his dating life consists of one night stands, a guy must be a real idiot to accidentally use the wrong name.

Again, I am not saying your assumption has any truth to it. 😛