Dri, how do you prepare to age alone? Sepertinya saya akan mengalami hal tsb. Karena saya tidak menikah & tidak punya anak. Tks Adrian. F33.

Tidak menikah dan tidak punya anak bukan berarti sudah pasti doomed to age alone. We still have our family, friends (virtual and real), and dates (ini sebaiknya “real” only). No preparation necessary, other than having a wide range of friends.

And as friends start to taper off as we age (we lose them to their own families etc), it’s best to have more than a few spares. The same goes for dates/boyfriends/girlfriends: don’t put all your eggs in the same basket, and always have several options available. They come and go; so make peace with that.

Hi Dri, am reaching an age when ppl start to say “Aku punya kenalan cowo yg single, org nya baik bgt deh.” Since you said many of your friends introduce their single friends to you too. You have any advice so I can handle this gracefully? Since some ppl who nyomblangin usually set expectations. And honestly, the only thing that would make me consider to commit is if this person really is someone that am happy to be with. So no amount of baik dan gak macem2 is gonna make up for that. But I realize it would be impolite to reject niat baik nyomblangin from these people. Am NOT asking about the ‘relationship’ advice but rather the social norm advice. How do you manage to get in and get out alive from these kind of trap? What kind of answers do you give when they started to ask “Loh emg kenapa, org nya sopan kok kayaknya” or “Dicoba aja dulu tho”. Is there any prevention I could/should do before I engage? I have no problem with them trying to introduce me. I have a problem when they start thinking they’re gonna receive an invitation in near time. Or even telling everyone about their move and ask everybody to start praying

Ah yes… the proverbial “maksud gw kan baeeeek” defense.

I don’t know how old you are, but personally I’ve reached that age where people simply have given up suggesting it. I’m a “lost cause” of sorts, I guess. But first of all, you should take a good look at yourself. People tend to be persistent when they can sense that you are also looking for someone. So for all the “ah gw sih cuek aje, untuk apa pacaran? cih!” some people say, sometimes ya ngga gitu juga kan. And maybe your friends can sense it. There is nothing uncool or unhip about wanting to be in a relationship kok. So if that’s what you want, that’s what you want.. keep it real and be true to yourself.

But yes, I sympathize with you.

And all you “maksud gw baeq” people who insists on feeding us basi lines like “orangnya baeeq koq”, “ganteng lho”, “dia dokter/pilot/bandar akik”, “kan ga ada salahnya dicoba”, “elu sih terlalu pemilih”, “jangan mikirin karir melulu”, please stop. It’s sad, pathetic, condescending, and only shows HOW LOW YOUR OWN PERSONAL STANDARDS ARE.

Yes, you read that right. You people need to raise your standards.

Orang cakep, baeq, sopan whatever is LITERALLY seribu tiga. I literally cannot randomly throw a batu akik and not hit someone that fits that description on the head. You know what’s not seribu tiga? Someone yang nyambung. And no, that is NOT up for the rest of you to define. Everyone is very different. If you want to berkubang in your cesspool standards of “orangnya baeq/cakep”, then go ahead… but never assume the rest of us are as needy as you are to HARUS jadian ama sembarang orang cuma karena baeq dan pinter.

“Ga ada salahnya dicoba…” Well, there are a billion things yang “tidak ada salahnya dicoba”, it doesn’t mean we should, right? Comments like come from the smug assumption that *everyone* is desperate to be in a relationship and get married. Never apply your own fears and insecurities to others, however “baeq” your maksud may be.

So dear anon.. how do you decline? With a graceful smile and a firm “no”. Basically, not like what I just typed. Even if that’s what you’re thinking. 🙂

I once had a patient, she was so critically-ill dan ga pernah ada yang jenguk, until the day she died. Her niece came only once when she was admitted and said that she’s not married and hence doesn’t have kids. Aren’t you afraid of being alone if you don’t get married? Because I do..

Dying alone sucks, yes.

But do you want to know what sucks even MORE than dying alone?

Living more than half of your life with someone you:

a.) don’t like very much

b.) used to like, but not anymore

c.) just barely tolerate

d.) hate, but “yah.. demi anak2 lah..”

I’ll take 4 weeks of wet diapers and dying alone, instead of 40 years of living with someone I’ve grown bored of. If anything, your soul will die decades before your body goes.

So it’s an easy choice.

About the “shouldnt tolerate cheating”. Well dude, dont you think women could cut some slack for certain cases. I mean you know the perks of staying single,boys will be boys thats for sure,so that committed guy could be just “taking a break”.

I guess you are right, dude.

So that means you’ll cut your girl some slack for grinding on top of some guy while moaning his name, right? As she’s probably just “taking a break” from her commitment to you. No biggie.

I mean, it’s not like you think -just because we are men- that we have special male privileges in the matter.

Of course not.

Only Lesser Men think they have special privileges over women.

We’re not Lesser Men.

Dude, I don’t get it. You don’t pursue, you don’t chase, and yet you have all these women throwing themselves at you so it seems. You make the rest of us guys look bad somehow… — anon who secretly worships you.

Dude, if you’ve been through the horrific ordeals that I suffered, you wouldn’t pursue or chase either. It’s not some “trick”, it’s simply out of.. self preservation. Nothing makes you overly cautious (and borderline paranoid) than being the object of rage (and publicly slandered) by the emotionally unstable.

Any form of pursuing only gives them ammunition to use against you. “Kamu deketin saya, THEREFORE saya adalah korban kamu” seems to be a popular (albeit fucked up) way of thinking, lately.

*Never* give them that ammunition.

Pernah merasa bersalah gak sih sedikitpun, bikin wanita-wanita yang pernah deket sama kamu patah hati? (walau mereka yang ngejar duluan) Atau sudah biasa dan kebal ya?

First of all, I hope this is the LAST time I ever have to answer this question.

Jangan pakai kata “ngejar” deh. “Ngejar” artinya ada yang mendekati, dan ada yang *menjauh*. It’s not fair to say “ngejar” selama yang didekati tidak menjauh. Dan dalam kasus saya, kenyataannya saya memang jarang menjauh. Or to put it another way: “Ya ayo2 aja.” 🙂

Selama saya tidak mislead, manipulate, atau misrepresent myself and how I am, apakah seharusnya saya merasa bersalah? With all the information she has about me, with everything I clearly tell her, with everything I’ve written on social media, and her conscious effort to teuteup approach me instead of other men… then it’s fair to say that the burden of decision is on her, not me. And this also applies both ways, so it’s not gender specific.

You know what’s ironic? More often than not, the women misled me about their intentions and had hidden agendas to “change” me. So in this case, yang berbohong dan manipulasi itu siapa? Me or them? And I challenge you to counterdebate this with something more substantial than “ya susah lah, Dri.. namanya juga perasaan…”

Do you get that “kapan kawin” question? If you do, how do you smack them? If you dont, can I live your life?

My friend, if you’re lucky to live long enough, you’ll reach an age where people finally give up asking and consider it a lost cause.

I’m that age.

But in the meantime, here’s a few surefire answers to shut them up:

“Sorry, social constructs just ain’t my thing.”

“Not a bad idea. I heard chicks really dig laki orang.”

“Why, so in 6 years I’ll say ‘yah, demi anak2 lah…’ dengan mata menerawang?”

“Why settle for ala carte when you have a buffet?”

You seem very pessimistic when it comes to women (seeing your answer about men being spoiled). Why is that? Is that why no woman is ever “good enough” for you?

There’s a thin line between an optimist, and someone who just doesn’t know any better.

Pessimism is based on fear. Fear is based on the inexperience.

And the experience I’ve had makes me, well.. a realist.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “ah itu cewek2 yang kayak gimana doloooo.”

Let me tell you this… I’d be an unbelievably rich man if I got a penny for every time someone assumes it’s only limited to Bigo Live-esque kind of women.

Hai Adrian. Saya hanya tergelitik sedikit, apakah keputusan (sampai saat ini) untuk tidak menikah adalah karena sakit hati di masa lalu atau karena kamu sudah bahagia dengan hidupmu sekarang? Atau bahkan, karena suatu ketakutan lain? Saya wanita, 32 tahun, dan merasa hal yang sama tentang pernikahan

Karena sudah bahagia dengan hidupku sekarang.

Ketakutan atau sakit hati? Nope.

I’m don’t make my life choices based on “ketakutan” or past traumas.

That’s the difference: I’m not driven by fear. I’m driven by whatever makes me happy.

I think that’s something more people should ask themselves.

Apa motivasi utama menikah? Karena takut sendirian? Takut omongan keluarga dan masyarakat? Takut tidak ada yang support secara finansial? Takut ngga ada yang lain?

Or because you truly believe spending the rest of your life with *some* person will make you happy? I’m not saying it won’t. But just think about it for a moment.

Are you motivated by fear, or by what makes you happy?

In no way am I accusing people of living in fear.. but it’s worth asking.

“Ya ngga semua orang kan kayak kamu, Dri..” “Kan pilihan orang beda2, Dri..” “Kan ngga semua orang menikah karena takut, Dri..” Well exactly. In no way am I saying what works for me, works for others. Marriage worked very well for my parents. Tetapi berhubung pertanyaannya mengaitkan dengan “ketakutan”, ya saya bahas dari perspektif itu.

By the way, any follow-up hate questions or “kok anti amat sih” will be replied with an eyeroll. It’s all a matter of personal choices, people… I’ll roll my way, kamu2 orang silahkan roll yours.