Random Non Sequiturs 2

Rn’B and Sushi Groove:  What to listen to when you don’t actually like music, where to go when you don’t actually like sushi. But would like to pretend as if you do.

I think the real reason why Indonesians do Pre-Wedding photography is because they realize how horrible and stressed-out they will look on the wedding day itself.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” when you find it necessary to make a point that you have a favorite Indonesian band. And to make sure everyone knows about it, so help you God.

The next time you see a bunch of hip Jakartans in magazines because they are the sole distributors or license holders of a hot foreign label or café, just keep this in mind: For all that preening and posturing that they do, the founder of the brand doesn’t-even-know-they-exist.

Never button the lowest button on your suit jacket. And if you think it’s okay to leave the label stitched on the sleeve… well, we’re not even gonna go there, are we?

There are two types of women:  The FFF! Airheads who are deluded enough to think they know everything about fashion, and the Pretentious Pramoedyas who proudly claim how fashion-ignorant they are (and sadly enough.. look the part, too).

Never trust a man who never swears. Except if he swears in Javanese, then he is simply a bloody idiot.

The other day I was watching a documentary on aircraft carriers on the Discovery channel.  On the early carriers, aircrafts would land on the flight deck parallel to the long axis of the ship’s hull, and park at the end of the runway.  If a jet overshot its landing, it would crash into the parked aircrafts.  It took a decade of fiery deaths before someone finally came up with the idea of an angled runway, so the landing jet would not hit the parked aircrafts and simply go airborne again.  Keep this in mind the next time you have the urge to beat yourself silly over a mistake you have made.

How to spot a Beginner Fashion Designer, #23: They sign their name on every.. bloody.. sketch they make, assuming that someone will copy it and gain fame and fortune off the oh-so-precious design.  So help you God.

When you ask someone what his favorite movies are and he answers with names of directors instead of movie titles, its his way of saying “I am hipper than thou, you puny pedestrian scum”. Either that, or he works in advertising. Same difference.

If you gotta grind, grind deep.

When buying a suit, the fit of the shoulders is the most important thing to consider. It’s better to wear a cheap polyester suit that fits properly, than a fine wool Ermenegildo Zegna with drooping shoulders.  You’d be surprised to see how many self-proclaimed “stylish” men dress that way.

When things go horribly wrong, why is that God’s name is usually the first to be mentioned?

If the guy is fat, balding, and hairy, it’s sexual harrasment.  If he’s a male model, the entire office will know by lunchtime the following workday. I know it, you know it, so just bloody admit it.

Look, even if all you read is Krayon Sinchan and Donal Bebek, for crying out loud… just lie!  Do what everyone else does: say Kahlil Gibran & Paulo Coelho instead. Hell, while you are at it, why not throw in some Pramoedya for good measure?

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll ask you to pay for the sewa lapak and some uang rokok.

A building collapses.  Over a hundred people die, and a single baby survives.  Now, let me get this clear… that’s a miracle to be thankful for?  How does that logic work, exactly?

The smaller her dog, the more emotionally fragile she is.

There is nothing sadder than a white guy who pretends to be Balinese.  An udeng on your head and a “Made” by your name does not a local make. So pack your barong shirt and fly back to New Jersey.

When my parents were struggling immigrants in the ’60s, all we could afford were the cheapest cuts of a chicken, namely the backs and necks.  For the longest time we thought that was all a chicken consisted of, until we saw KFC commercials on TV with slow-motion tumbling pieces of drumsticks, wings, and breasts.  My sister and brother said “Hey… hold on… what part of the chicken is that?

When a man turns twenty-five, he should refrain from dating women who have an aversion to DVD’s with laurel wreaths on its cover. Regardless of how much of a hot babe she may possibly be.

The worse the spelling, the higher the probability he was educated in the U.S. Definately.

If you cannot be happy on your own, you will never be happy with someone else.