Random Non Sequiturs

Other people don’t think of you as often as you might think they do.  Like you, they have better things to do with their time.

How can you disavow a religion if you never converted under your own volition? And no, your dad whispering into your ear when you were a baby does *not* count.

There is nothing more sad than a white guy who pretends to be Balinese. An udeng on your noggin and a “Made” by your name does not a local make. So pack your barong shirt and fly back to New Jersey.

Anyone who thinks the canteena scene on Tatooine is surreal has obviously never ventured inside a bule bar in Blok M.

You know you’re a pribumi-entrepreneur when you create a Facebook fan page for your business before you even make your first sale.

When I was a boy, my dad gave me Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Make Friends and Influence People”.  I’d like to think it was because he wanted me to become a man of influence, but it was more likely because I had no friends.

To say that the British came to Indonesia to colonize us is like saying the Americans landed in Normandy to take over France.

One country claims our traditional dance to be theirs, we practically prepare to wage war.  Another country rapes and abuses our migrant workers, we aspire to live like them.

Yes, I work in mysterious ways too. The difference is that He gets away with it, and I don’t.

Rule of thumb: If they call themselves “Komunitas”, it ain’t gonna be a fun crowd.  They’ll kill a good party before you can say “Jurnal Perempuan”.  Trust me on this one.

Never trust a bule who claims to know Indonesia, yet all he orders is gado-gado and satay.  That is sort of like saying you like music but all you listen to is R&B.

Heartbreak makes a poet out of all men.

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you have a box of instant noodles on the backseat of your car to give out to kids at trafficlights.

Beware of women who look at you intently and say “kamu pasti pernah mengalami kesedihan yang mendalam ya?”.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Nothing good comes out of a conversation that starts with “Manusia itu diciptakan…

If you find it necessary to involve the will of God to get something done, it means you don’t really want to do it.

Anyone who finds it necessary to post “ayo semangat!” on monday mornings, really hates his job.

A man cannot survive on elbow-candy alone. Sure, it may impress your buddies…. but sooner or later, you’re going to have to start having proper conversations with her.

You know the type of people who whip out a sketchbook at Starbuck’s, and start sketching a dress in a fit of fevered inspiration?  They don’t actually work in fashion.

Did you know that the marble slabs used to make martabak are usually stolen from graveyards?  So yeah, the next time you bite into your martabak spesial and see a partial impression of “Beristirahat Dengan Tenang”, now you know why.

My father got my first name from a book he was reading while my mom was pregnant with me, Ernest Hemingway’s “Farewell to Arms”. Good thing he wasn’t reading Douglas Adam’s “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe” or else I could have ended up as “Zaphod” instead.

If your date ever says “gw bc buku cm sblm tdr spy cpt ngntuk aj,,,,”, slowly stand up, step away, and run for your life.

I once received a poster-size self-portrait painting as a birthday gift. It was copied from a photo that was published in a magazine. Yes, it was a sweet gesture on her part, but I must say that I have never seen my friends laugh as hard as on the day I unveiled it.

Forget the cheers, but always, always remember the jeers.

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