Random Non Sequiturs

How to get on my mom’s good side?  If you are ever invited over for a dinner, finish *everything* on your plate.  And be sure to ask for a second and third helping.  Or else.

You know a movie is gonna suck big-time if it has a contrived dysfunctional family in it, is reviewed as “whimsical and delightful”, and stars a precocious actress that every Lomo-snapping Aksara Hag aspires to be.

Cool name for a chinese restaurant: “Cumgorped (d/h Cumi Goreng Pedas)”

The other day, a friend messaged me: “Heran ga sih, orang-orang pada percaya buku The Secret?  Buku paling idiot.”   My reply was: “Yeah well… I happen know a few other books that are just as idiotic, and with more believers pula…”

Why is it that every fitness center always has that one woman with a killer bod who keeps mentioning how fat she is every 2.67 minutes?

Move to Jakarta once in your life.  Leave before you find it acceptable to go to music concerts of artists you hardly ever listen to, just so you can post pictures of  you and your friends on Instagram the following day.

The next person most likely to stab you in the back?  Easy.  The one who calls you “sister'”.  And no, not in the

If she says “kalo udah kenal sebenernya baeq koq”, you can safely assume he is wealthy.  And if he says “sebenernya dia pinter cuma ga diliatin aja”, you can safely assume she is hot.

If I can teach The Little One how to find her own path to contentment as she grows up to be a young woman, and a version of peace of mind and happiness which is purely her own and not mine or as society defines it, then I would call it a day, pat myself on the back, and consider it a job well done.  

Sex is like rempeyek.  Y’know, even when it’s not that great, it’s still pretty damn good enough for me.  

One should stand up straight, dress appropriately, stride with confidence, and have a firm handshake.  You’d be surprised how far a person can get in life just on that alone.

I’ve hanged out with the literati/budayawan crowd, and I’ve hanged out with the fashionista/model crowd.  Now take a wild guess, which crowd was most likely to make snap judgments based on someone’s appearance alone?

It’s generally not a very good idea to travel in countries where the government soldiers still wear sandal jepit.

After several years in Indonesia, it dawned upon me that the symbol for Pramuka was, in fact, not a tadpole.

Did you know that the Indonesian word for “velcro” is “perepet”?  Now if that ain’t a perfect example of onomatopoeia, I don’t know what is.

The type of women who read “The Purpose Driven Life” tend to marry the type of men who read “Who Moved My Cheese”.  And end up sharing a copy of “The Secret”.  GBU!

You know you’re a “Bule with a Mission” if you read books by Allende, Marquez, Naipaul, or anything else with a political turmoil as a backdrop.

If your date ever uses the term “Yang jahat yang mana?” in reference to movies, slowly step away, turn around, and run for your life.

When a guy says his work involves “memasok ke instansi and general trading”, you can make a safe assumption his dad is a high-ranking government official.

I got my first (of potentially many) tattoo a few weeks ago.  It was a decent enough place, with the usual gaggle of tattooed, pierced, mohawked kids hanging around.   As I was wincing under the needle, that song “Nothing’s gonna change my love for you” suddenly came on the radio.  And somehow everyone started singing along to it.  Without any hint of irony, pula.

There is a very good reason why the song doesn’t go “Dontcha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?” instead.

Beware of women who message you “Sudah makan, belum? Jangan lupa makan ya, nanti sakit lho…”.  Trust me on this one.

Move to Bali once in your life.  Leave before you start going all “Bali-er Than Thou” and act smugly superior to Jakartans.

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