Random Non Sequiturs

How to get into Time and CNN:  Join an underground band in a developing or religiously conservative country.  Throw in some politically charged lyrics, and you’ll practically have the western media eating out of your hands.  Oh yes, my friend… this is definitely the Stuff White People Like.

It is not your parent’s responsibility to understand what you want to do with your life.  It is your responsibility to prove to them that you do.  And if you’re lucky, they might even take you seriously enough.

Being stuck to listening to the music of your bygone youth is the equivalent of having a desperate combover.  Move on.  Seriously.

Koko Angkat: The guy who once tried to get into her pants… and failed

Anyone who finds it necessary to post “ayo semangat!” on monday mornings, really hates his job.

A man cannot survive on elbow-candy alone. Sure, it will look good with the buddies…. but sooner or later, you’re going to start having conversations with her.

“Saya dukung dengan do’a” is worth about as much as the paper it’s written on.  And while we’re on it, so is “biar Tuhan yang membalasnya”.  So there.

Ever notice that Mickey Mouse’ ears always face towards you, no matter which way he turns?  How freaky is a giant gloved rat with swivelling ears, eh?

What’s the difference between fashionistas and foodies?  Foodies don’t assume they can easily be chefs simply because they like to eat. 

You know a book is gonna suck if its opening page is a quote by Kahlil Gibran.

If you are that “me-so-budayawan” guy who wears traditional sarongs to society parties, you may think you look hip and cultured, but in fact you just look like you were circumcized about twenty-five years too late.

A rule of thumb when it comes to illegal (and legal) drugs:  If they give out free samples, there is a high possibility you’ll be addicted to it.

Life is too short to earn a living doing something you wouldn’t do for free.

If you are ever invited by a corporation to be a speaker, you can always spot the ITB alumnis in the audience.  Just look for the ones sitting with arms folded, slouched with sandal-gunung’d feet splayed out, tilted head, and eyeing you with that skeptical “I am so much smarter than you” expression.

Which, of course, explains why my highschool-educated ass is standing up here, and your ITB-educated ass is sitting down there.

Real men cry at the final scene of “First Blood Part I”.

No, I don’t care how you want to put a spin on it, sometimes there is no “hikmah” to be taken, okay?  Sometimes things really do just suck and that’s just the plain end of it.

If she says she has been to busy to talk to you lately, there is a 84.68% chance that she actually is.  With another guy.

Nothing makes a woman age faster than wearing little polkadots.  Even more so if she actually refers to them as “bolletjes.”

Be a man.  Be a man and dress like one.  No sagging jeans.  No white shoes with thin soles. No retro sneakers with red laces.  No surfer, skate, or satiric logo t-shirts.  No Pete Wentz haircut.  No slouching and foot dragging.  No dorky white plastic glasses.  No European designer manbags.  No pink polo shirts.  No Sour Sally in public.  Stand up straight and stride with confidence.  Wear shirts and jeans that fit properly.  Shoes with soles thicker than your thumb.  An automatic watch thicker than your little finger.  A tattoo that counts.  A leather belt with a buckle so heavy you could bludgeon another man to death with.  Come on, grow a pair and dress like you are worthy of ‘em.  

If we have just been introduced, and I am courteous enough to ask what you do for a living, please be kind enough to give me a straight answer.  Typical Sengak #Jakartan replies such as “kuli korporat, pembokatnya bos, officeboy, maksiat, jongos, wara-wiri, kutukupret periklanan, kacung, or ya gitu deeeh” are not funny, cute, nor witty. Understand this:  I don’t actually give a damn what your job is, I’m just asking out of politeness sake.

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